Lost

I don’t know if you’re pushing me away or pulling me closer
I don’t know where I stand
I don’t know what you want from me
Or if you care at all

Your words lash out and hurt
Then lovingly draw me in
I don’t know what you want from me
Do you want this to end

Don’t turn tables
Or place this on me
Just come out and tell me
What it is you want

I can’t read minds
I don’t know where I stand
Are you pushing me away
Or are you going to finally let me in

Thanks for all the CNY sms & wishes msg

I like to thanks above peoples, who have been send me sms, wish me "Happy New Year":



[1]Aileen Tan 陈丽贞



[2]Hong Hui Fang 洪慧芳



[3]Zheng Ge Ping



[4]Banana (Malaysia)

[5]Teddi

[6]QQ

Thanks above peoples, who have wish me "Happy New Year" face by face;

[1]Felicia



[2]Joanne



[3]IXF



[4]Delphine



[5]Vincent



[6]Lijuan



[7]Von

Thanks above peoples, who send msg @ facebook

[1]Delphine

[2]Ivy

[3]Lijuan

[4]Simon

[5]INF

[5]Melvin Tay

[6]Liangyi

[7]Clement

[8]Pauline

[9]Yijing

[10]Cheng Ying

[11]Evonne

[12]Calab

[13]Louis

[14]Hazel's dad

Thanks for above peoples who send me msg @ MSN

[1]Melissa

[2]Rina

[3]Elaine

[4]Geo (Malaysia)

[5]Angie (Malaysia)

[6]Christalle

[7]Shi Qian

**Thanks for the peoples who wish me "Happy New Year", really appreciate...你们有心了。。Hope u all have fun CNY.. And also got alot of AngBao... heehee..^_^

我没事，才好。。

Hello, all my dear reader.. How are u all? Long time no see.. I know that alot of you got send me msg, asked me when I will open my blog to public again? Me just want to tell you all. Sorry. Cos I had been keep protect my personal life & also those peoples around me, including my friends.. Cos I treasure them & protect them.

And when I found that, I always try to be good & nice to those friends around me, but they never know of it.. Even mistaken me.. So, I also tired & sianz now..Anyway, I know what I shall do for & live for now..

Got one friend send me a pic & msg, when I see the pic & sms..Make me laugh.. Cos damn funny.. Shhhh......I think the person know who I talking of...

**I still want to tell all those friends who have been with me so long & know me well & those who have MIA for long times,& those my dear readers, I miss u all...So, hope to see u all tag me again & ME WAS BREAK DOWN, need all those comfort & "lames" jokes.. Even a short msg or sms, I also feel COMFORT & HAPPY..

2 more Valentine day coming, how u all going to celebrate? With ur lover? or best friend? No matter what, just hope u all enjoy ur days with the "loves" one.. YEah...

Enjoy watching "珠光宝气＂.. Keep chasing rental DVD.. YEAH..

林俊傑-就是我

Happy New Year to Everyone

I like to wish everyone, "Happy 牛Year".. And all the best in 2009. This year CNY is not a HAPPY COUNTDOWN YEAR @ MEDIACORP.. I still miss 2008 CNY countdown @ Mediacorp. I dun know why? Maybe cos dun have prombles or sandwitches. ..

My wish, I hope I can settle my prombles fast & make everyone know what I thinking & feeling inside. But I scare once I make the choice, I will hurt any of them.. I still thinking of a better way of make everything well...

My Dear God, please give the strength & powder tell me what to do? Can? Please..


新年快乐，心想事成，步步高升，风平浪静。。。。

CNY Countdown @ Mediacorp 25/01/2009

除夕晚上，我6.30pm 就吃Dinner.7.15pm, 我就离开家，准备下Mediacorp 看CNY countdown节目..Thanks Von so early reached Mediacorp & Q up.. 我们(Delphine, Vincent, Lijuan, Von & Me)坐前面第一排。。。Camera 一直拍我们，我们只知道一直用board cover our face... 这个节目有点boring, cos Felicia & Joanne at Chinatown. 我们等到11.40pm, 她们从Chinatown 回来theatre唱CNY song. 12am started to countdown..我们Felicity started to wish one another "Happy New Year"..

节目完后，我们到Radio Gate. Joanne 先出来，我就把我做的Jelly 拿给Joanne..我也做给Felicia.. 我们跟Joanne 拍一些照。。。然后，30mins later, Joanne 走了。。。我，Delphine, Lijuan, Von & Vincent 等IXF,我们chat 很久。。。很好多笑话。。Thanks ah, guys. U all really bright my moods, 虽然在之前，我为了一件事哭。。可是，因为有你们的安慰，笑话。。让我心情比较好多。。。

**我不想看到这样的场面，因为真的让我很为难。。我不知道什样？

Is It The Time can't turn back?

When I wrote this entry, is I use a very PEACE HEART & MINDS to blog & write. I not going to scold or shoot anyone here. Just voice out some of my feeling after so many things happened between the 5 of us...Let me say by one by one;

[1]Delphine - is a nice gal & friend, who is always lend me her ear & shoulder to me.. She is the one who always know that when I was happy, sad, angry & when want to cry? And she is a friend who I always treasure until now, even after so many things issue beetween 2 fans club.. We still gd friends, we still can jokes & fun together.. Cos we often make things clear, if anything unhappy things. Cos we dun want make things have a distance. Delphine, thanks.. I know ur promble, u also know my prombles, I really dun know what to do? Shall I just do it or not? I really dun know? I dun bear to hurt anyone of u or the one I support. I really dun bear...

[2]Vincent - is a nice guy & friend also. Yes, I admit before that, I was very of Vincent for saying me those words on 31/12/2008. But I just want to tell u, I never mean it. And I don't know all abt it.Just want to say Sorry, I admit my fault. And I also very treasure him as my friend. That why, I keep pulling him as my friend back. I appreciate that he had help me alot in 2008. Help me go down support QQ, accompany me want to go basketball, but the end never, help me in Joanne xmas gathering 2008. I still never forget what he had done for me...U r still my gd friend. That why, I still treasure u...

[3]Teddi - U had been MIA after Joanne xmas gathering...I don't know what had been happened to you? I always want to ask you, but I don't know how to ask? Glad still received ur CNY sms msg, at least know that u r still alive...

[4]Rina - I really dun know how to write this entry abt u? I really dun know... When I write this entry, my minds is really very cool down, after I had cried at RG just now. Just want to say a few words from my heart.Just now, when I was at RG, and we all find Joanne. I dun know why we had become so stranger already? Not like last time.. Same as Delphine & Vincent was there. When Joanne see why there is 2 group? Like very weird.. Me, Vincent, Delphine 1 group. U, Elaine, Vivien & Jayness 1 group.. It is the old committee going to draft & break ? Even the friendship we had? And ur new group of Committee is coming in? Just the image still in my mind. Me, Delphine & Vincent choice to walk away & stay very far with Joanne, doesn't mean we dun like or dun support Joanne anymore. We just dun know want everything diffcult on Joanne., I even choice to use my back to face you all, including Joanne. When my back face Joanne, the moment is I was crying.. I dun want Joanne to see me cry.. Delphine, Vincent, Lijuan & Von saw it..Vincent even try to ask me , want me to go & take pic with Joanne again or not? I told him, I dun want, cos I dun want her to see me cry.. And I dun want wait I see her, I really can't control my tears.. I choice to let u all have more times with Joanne & even take pic with her, without me & even ask me to join in or even Delphine & Vincent.. Cos maybe in ur minds, there is only Vivien, Elaine & Jayness.. Dun have us already...Vincent & Delphine told me, dun cry lah. Chinese New Year, be happy. I also want to be happy.. But I a human being, I not a transparent, whenever I know anything of news or u want me to help or pass msg to Joanne. I had never reject on u. And I try my best to do & help u or even Joanne..

Rina, just want u to use UR HEART TO THINK IT IS THE RIGHT WAY OF TREATING PPL? I dun want ur minds thinking of want "new" group & don't want "old" group.. I also dun want the 5 of us become a stranger. I hope the 5 of us still can be like last time, alot of fun..

**I know that if ppl want to change, I can't stop. And I also know that I can't make the time go back like last time.. Maybe it is what I had been said correct, maybe we will quarrel cos of Idols & make our friendship change. God, it is can't Friendship be last? Dun cos of Idols & make all of become stanger. Cos I really treasure all friendship & everyone.. If really want me to make a choice & force me to do smt I dun wish to, I already know what I want.. And I also will let the one I support to know why I will the choice.. And I believe that they will understand my shoes & know I love them so much...

Carlsberg CNY pre-recording 21/01/2009

昨天，我放工后6pm, 我赶下去Mediacorp 看节目， Carlsberg CNY pre-recording 看Joanne & Felicia. 昨晚，我坐在Joanne fans club side. 我叫Rina 帮我打包Nuggets 给我，我的Dinner.. 我从Clementi 打MRT to Toa Payoh,在从Toa Payoh 搭cab.我到Thetare, 我就去找Rina..一到看到那个sitting arrangment, I not happy..因为我觉得committee 应该坐在一起，而不是因为时常4个人在一起，而做在一起。。。才有一些boards 的事。。。

一整晚，我都在喊 Joanne 的名字， 我没有喊Felicia.. 只想对Felicia 说：" Sorry for never shout ur name the whole nite, I feel bad of it.." After the event, 我们下去RG 等Joanne..我们在那里大概30mins with Joanne..Joanne, thanks for ur hands touched my shoulder.. Ur hand auto touched my sholder, is already give me alot of comfort. 就算，在几天我有多不开心，或者当晚有多不开心，你的这个关心，我已经满足了。。。After Joanne left, 我过去找Felicia, 可是我没有和她拍照，或跟她讲话。。

在Felicia要走之前，跟我说了: "Joey Mummy, bye bye"..那种感觉更feel bad..Cos I never shout for her just now.. Haiz...

**到现在我才feel bad for Felicia.. Fiona & Felicia 出来, 我没有马上去找她们。。。我不去Felicia不是，我不爱她，而是我内疚。。Fiona, thanks for ur sms..Also thanks Joanne for the shoulder concern. And of course, never forget QQ the pic u send me.. Really can't stand u & ur "lame"...Always make me laugh. Dun forget our next mth catch up hor.. Haha...

你不是真正的快樂 - 五月天

今天，原本是一个开心的一天，也是每一期，拜一我期待的一天，能够看到Felicia..可是，我今天我看到她，我也不知道为什么，她给我的感觉很weird.. 我也不想问她太多，因为很多人。。。在路上，我哭了。。。心里面的感受，辛苦有谁知道？只能忍，不能说出来。。。。好想有个人能让我抱一下，痛苦。。。

Joanne @ Mega Store Tampines Courts 17/01/2009

星期六，我2pm 就出门了。。因为我要change my POSB passbook, Jurong point 很多人，排到门口。。我没有等。。。因为我不知道会几时到我?我就下去Taka POSB,好在那里没有这么多人。。。大概，4pm 我离开Taka POSB, 我就搭MRT 下去Mega Store Tampines Courts, 因为Joanne 有event 在那里。。。

大概5pm , 我到了Megastore Tampines Courts.我到那里没有看到Rina,Vivien, Jay & Elaine. 因为她们告诉我，她们会很早到。。我就sms 问她们。。Rina 告诉我他们在Ikea 买东西，我叫她们快点下来。。因为很多小孩子。。我一个人不可以chop 这么多人的place...大概10mins, Rina & Elaine run from Ikea.. Vivien & Jay make payment @ Ikea, later then join us @ Courts.

大概5.50pm, Joanne arrived, saw her car passby.6.10pm the event started..715 take Maxicab come.. Joanne & Qi Yu Wu arrived, the crowd started, everyone was take out the camera & take pic of 2 of them..Joanne keep looking at us & out camera..Haha..I like the part when she interview, she talked abt " The beachball babe", that time she fliming the show also at the same time want to Fliming "The Little Noya", she dun want to get dark, cos she dun want wait when on Tv, look like maid... Me & Rina was laughing loud.. haha. Then, she look at us, use mouth said, very funny meh? 我点头， 因为我想到她在Sentosa 拿着umbrella. Haha..

Around 7pm, the event end. We all go to carpark wait for Joanne..She taking the Maxicab & the Maxicab make 3 big round, cos she want alot ppl mob her...Before she board the Maxicab, she got give me sign, she will go big round. around 10mins, Maxicab is back to carpark. Joanne come down, we at her car had a short chat abt 15mins.. Then, she go off..

**It was a fun event & alot of Jokes when Joanne on stage.. And thanks Joanne for all the funny things...

Fiona Advance Birthday Celebration 17/01/2009

Sat, after Tampines Giant, I went to Tampines Mall Bread Talk to get a small birthday cake for Fiona, cos her birthday is coming. While she was going for the 3rd location AMK Hub, I go get the cake & then go to RG.

Around 10.30pm, Fiona & the Carlsberg casts come back.. Around 5mins later, Fiona come out. She never drive, Xue ting go & call her, while my back face her, at the same time light the candles.She kena "shock"..Haha.. When she stand in front of us, both of us sing "Happy Birthday" song to her. Then, after she cut the Mocha Nut cake. 3 of us eat together & Fiona eat finished 1st.. Haha.. After we eat finished, we still left some cake, I asked Fiona to take back home... Then, we started our potography session...

After 30mins, Fiona on call cab, want to go home lah...then we send her to cab. Then, we go home lah..

**It was a simple, surprise birthday celebration.. Fiona keep call me, "mama".. Cos I was like "mama" give her tissue.. cos she was so dirty, after eat the cake, she use her hands clean on her dress.. OMG.. Then, I offer her wet tissue.. From tat period, she started call me "mama".. Haiz, now so many ppl, called me "Joey mummy", "mama", "Joeyma". Haha.. I think I going to be old soon.. cos I haven't get marry, so many daughters & all so big already..Haha....But in my heart, there is only 2 daughters, I admit them, they are QQ & Felicia. It will never change......

Fiona CNY Carlsberg Event @ Tanglin Halt Road 16/01/2009

Last Friday, I was going Fiona event of 2nd location (Blk 48 Tanglin Halt Rd) 8.30pm & 3rd location (Blk 7 Eunos Cresent) 10pm, the 1st location (Blk 101 Yishun Ave 5) 7pm, I never go, cos it was very rush for me after my work & also far frommy working place. Actually, I was plan to don't go down the event, but xueting asked me, am I going down? So, I also find anything to do, so I go down & see..

Fiona around 8.25pm reached Tanglin Halt Rd, when the casts reached. They all playing games...Then after they playing games, they go to Eunos.. Around 11.30pm the event end. Me at Xueting take MRT home..

**It was a tired day for me, after work, rush here & there. And the one whole week, i was like slack in the office, still in my birthday moods...