慧诗，你已经做的最好了。。。。

今天，我只想特地写这个entry 给慧诗，想把心里面的话说出来；

慧诗，你今晚已经尽力了。。我们都看到了。。从你第一天上台表演，到现在你进步了很多。。当我听到朋友告诉我，你的out 的消息，我哭了。。我跑到reception 的toilet 哭。。我哭是因为我看到你的影子好像QQ当时参加"U R The One" 一样。。那种坚强的精神。。。。

我才记得你上节目的第一次，当时你在讲你妈妈的时候，你哭了。。。我被你感动了。。。因为我知道没有妈妈的日子，是很痛苦的。。我看得出，你慢慢的变成很坚强了。。

*我希望你在Revival round, u will get in. Just remember that, believe in urself, u can do it. Always dun think that u can't make it.. Even the points u get the less than anyone, but u must tell urself, u must fight till the end.. ALWAYS NEVER SAY DIE to urself..

面具

今天，我突然想写面具的entry, 因为我突然有3这种感觉想写；以下是要我们每一个人用“自己的心,听自己的心声"去问自己。。

[1]为什么人有多面的面具？

[2]为什么要自己的朋友面前，带着面具呢？在前面，装着很要好，可是，一转身，就另一个面具？

[3]为什么不要做回自己呢？

[4]如果我们是拜神，christian or Free thinker, 我们到底知不知道做人的道理？不管，我们是Christian or 拜神，我们到底有没有真真的了解bible 所写每一句话?我想有一些人，不会了解。。因为他们听到上帝在跟你说话。。。

*只想说的，不要在带着面具对待你身面的人，朋友，亲人，同事，艺人。。做回自己。。如果你们觉得不累，我为你们感到累。。。我不想说到太直。。。我想聪明的人，知道我在讲什么了？In the bible, God has said, "Lies is a SINs, so if u all choice to lies to ppl around u, the SINs will be alot...".. So, better STOP now...Stop lies...

Yoga event @ IMM 15/02/2009

Today, I go to Yoga Concert autograph session.. 9.30am reached IMM already. Cos Yijing & Me had make appointment 9.30am at IMM meet.. But at the end, she come 10am.. Cos the MRT promble. Haha..

I know that many of u, will wonder why I will go for Yoga event? Is it I like Yoga? The answer is no.. Is cos got free poster & the poster got SHE, which is got ELLA picture inside.. And it was big pic loh.. I thought SHE pic is small as circle, but it was not. So, I was never "hou hui" go down Q for poster.. And I think it is the 1st time, I go for other artiste event & Q for it, which I don't like, but just cos for poster.. I only will Q early, cos of ELLA, QQ, Felicia & Joanne event. Others sorry loh.. Not interested... We Q in the 1st row & me & Yijing talk alot of SHE event this week. Haha. We was so happy, cos we all can't wait for Friday Yoga & SHE concert. And Sat SHE event...

Around 3.30pm , Yoga event started.. He sing 2 songs & had short interview with Yes 933 DJ Jiahui..Then, start for tickets & poster autography.. After Yoga event, me & Yijing rush down somewhere.. (secrect).. Haha..

**Today, is a tired day but it a happy day, cos got the poster...

Congrat , Josphine...

I just recieved my friend sms me.. She told me, her boyfriend had propose to her today.. I was really happy for her.. Cos I always think that those people propose to gals during Valentine's Day, sure will sucess. And gals will be happy & won't not be reject...

Her Boyfriend is a nice guy, her boyfriend, don't mind her girlfriend dun look pretty.. It is what I always feel of, cos when guys choice gal to love, dun always look for gals outlook, BUT look for inside of their heart.. Cos outlook is no use, cos one day we will old... Even now, u how pretty, handsome.. 20yrs or 30yrs later, ur looks is old & ugly, will u still love ur wife or hubby? Or will u go look for younger gals or younger boyfriends when u are old?

Josephine, it is the time for u & ur boyfriend build up the "new house" & walk on the path 4ever.. Can't wait for ur wedding.. Hahaha.. Dun forget to invite me, cos I want to "sabo" ur hubby.. Haha..Really happy for Josephine.. So, when will my Fate come? Maybe can't rush.. Cos I know someone want me to get marry fast.. Hahaha.. I know lah.. Too bad, no one love me.. Not I dun want to get marry...:(

Happy Valentine's Day

Today is Valentine's Day, how u all celebrate? With ur lover? With ur best buddies? No matter with who? Just hope everyone of u, enjoy urself..

As for me, I went to Salon afternoon, to colour & highlight my hair.. Haha.. And I plan to take Passport Picture, cos need to change IC lah.. Cos they send me the IC form. So, I plan to look more younger. Haha.. I know lah.. QQ will said, prefer me black hair. Cos I colour & highlight look like "Ah Lian".. But I was like "Ah Lian".. Haha..

After go Salon, I go Jurong Point walk walk awhile.. Then, see alot ppl at centre stage, cos got JJ event.. But I never stay & see.. But I saw Evonne & Kenneth there.. After that, I go packet Curry Chicken home. Cos my mum & 1st sister & nephew & niece go Jurong Point eat.. I don't want to join them, cos I want to chase the DVD, I rent "The Gems of Life"..

**So, my actual day of Valentine day is very simple.. But I was not unhappy of sad at all.. I still living happy & fine.. COS SHE want to come SINGAPORE LAH.. Can't wait to see SHE soon.. Next week, is my busy wkend.. Cos see SHE & Mavis Hee concert.. Yeah... I miss Mavis Hee very much......

Happy Birthday Josephine

Tue 10/02/2009, after work I go to Cine Level Kbox for K Buffect.. Cos my Friend Josphine birthday.. Reached Cine Kbox around 7pm.. When I reached KBox, see alot ex-collegue.. They was surprise to see me there.. And thanks for never forget me.. The feeling is still same... They all asked me, "How are u? Where are u working now?" I all answer them.. Haha.. The Buffect ok. I onli like the steam chicken.. Damn Nice..

Then, we all singing go by round, so that everyone had chance... My voice is belong to low voice. So, I will sing male song more.. Then, they all very funny, got duet, ask me to sing Male voice & sing with them.. Thanks ah.. Me like whole nite sing concert like that....OMG.. But I enjoy... cos long time never go K lah..The last time, I sing K is with Teddi & Vincent..And all the unhappy things keep inside too long, want to explore out...

When come to sing birthday song & cut cake session, we all use the spray to spray Josphine.. Haha.. She kena spray by 3 of us.. Alot of fun... And it is the time for me, can dun wear mask to peoples.. Long time, never like that play lah.. Maybe me really need this fun from ppl..

Around 10pm, we all left Kbox. Cos our booking time until 10pm.. Then, we all take MRT home..

**Josphine, thanks for the treat.. And hope u enjoy the fun, of me the one who start use spray, spray u.. Hahaha...

Me got FREE 4 TICKETS to Sentosa, Jurong Birdpark, National Museum, S'pore River Cruises' bumboats & S'pore Flyer.. Dun know who want to go with me?Haiz...

Campus Superstar "Live" show 09/02/2009

今天一样，我放工后，赶下去Mediacorp 看Campus Starstar.. 今天，只有我和Delphine去看。。。今天的Felicia, 第一在节目中抱Pornsak..真的突破平时的大敢。。Felicia，加油噢。。。U can do it meh..

我也看得出你在Campus Superstar hosting 的日子，很开心。。。只是，不要给自己太大的压力。。我知道现场不可以出错，只想对你说的，“对自己有信心"..

9pm 过后，我&Delphine 到RG, 等Felicia出来。。在那里，看到老朋友，Jia Hui & Aili.. 好久不见了。。你们好像MIA一样。。哈哈。。。。Felicia 一样时间出来，Felicity fans 一看到Felicia, 就上去找她。。我很讨厌有人很像Act like her manager, standing beside her car said :"Got anymore want to take pic with her?got anything to give her?" I just want to say one word to the person:" Please don't act like u are her manager, will make ppl more dislike you.And also please knoe where u stand? where is ur limit? Just dun go too far.."

Felicia never stay for long, cos she rushing off..So, we all also never hold her time...

**Felicia, 我才是一样关心，只是没有表露出来．．Joey Mummy只想看到你开心的时候。不要为了一些siao people & get angry.. (U shall know what I mean).....做回原来的自己，做一些会让自己开心的事吧。。。。。

Early Valentine Celebration with QQ

今年的情人节，我和QQ起早庆祝。。。今年，我们的情人节，加了多一个人就是Ah Bong.. 他们来Jurong Point 的Bakerzin吃。。我第一次见Ah Bong，他很"Drama". 哈哈。。也很可爱，他的“口头话" 是Kanasai.. 哈哈 。。。我们一整个下午都在笑。。。我也开始会Ah Bong 讲Kanasai.

我记得以前，我时常都在讲Kanasai, 在Transtar 的时候。。可是，离开后，我就开始没有讲了。。

QQ一直在像"妈妈"一样，问Ah Bong 要吃什么？才有其他的事。。(Only me & QQ knoe).. 哈哈。。其实，我很surprise QQ会来到Jurong Point, 因为one end to one end.. 可是，这是QQ第一次来到West side.. 我特别开心。。。Thanks, my friend.. And welcome to my place..Really appreciate...

然后，我们就搭MRT，她回家，我去别的地方。。。当MRT经过Singapore Poly, 她跟我讲，她很怀念SP的日子。。。从她的眼神，我看得出来。。

**QQ,我只想对你说的，就算在你读书的日子，有多少人，不喜欢你？就算现在，才有一些人，不喜欢你。。只要有一些Lovelies fans , Me & ur family 才是喜欢你，已经足够了。。。不是吗？什么样的人，什样的朋友，你和我都看多了，也知道那种朋友才是真心对待我们的。。。你和我都fall down many times in friendship.. 可是，我们都学会了站起来。。。

最后，想对QQ说的，每一年的情人节，我们都不要忘记我们的约定。。我们的友情，一天比一天好，一年比一年深。。。。谢谢你，让我认识你和你家人在过去一年里。。07/02/2008 是我们认识的日子，永远不会忘记。。。JoeyMa still Love QQ as daughter. Including Felicia, Joey Mummy still Love u as daughter

Campus Superstar on 02/02/2009

Monday, after work. I go to Mediacorp see Felicia as usual.. Reached Mediacorp, same 7plus..
Delphine, Vincent, Lijuan, Von, Yi Jing & Me sitting B1 of Theatre... We all still the same, so much fun at theatre...

Around 9plus, we all left thetare & go RG. While we walking to RG, we saw "I Not Felicia", then we all have chat with her...Cos Felicia not invole of result.. Around 11pm, Felicia come out.. We had a short gathering with Felicia. Then, she left.. After Felicia left, we all stay back & con't chat with "I Not Felicia". Around 12plus, I already asked Delphine, want to left? She said, she ok, anytimes can left...Then, I see her still so interest of chating with them, I wait abit more..Until 1.30am, I cannot tahan, I asked Delphine, want to go or not? Cos I see her eyes also can't tahan, cos contact led.. Then, we left.. Actually, I thought of afte Felicia left, the later 11.30pm left.. Cos I dun want to waste cab fare again.. Cos, very broke.. every wk go home so late. If Felicia come out early..But haiz....


** Felicia, still happy to see u on Monday. Now, u start busy fliming, so U must take care of ur health...

《幸福万岁》

今天，我看了《幸福万岁》，这是一部很好笑也有点"色"的戏。。。在戏中，有一句， "Is it that is only sex & no love for us?" 我觉得这句话很对。。现在，这个社会，年轻人都很开放。。可是，在开放之前，请想想后果。。。因为也许，被拍到全裸的照片都不知道。。。就像戏里的"Benny" &　"Jennifer". "Jennifer" & "Bryan" 的性video 放在website.. 最后，Jennifer 跳楼死。。直得吗？

我本人觉得，真真的幸福是，有一些关心，爱你，的人。。。对你爱的人真心，忠心。。什么甜言密语，没有用的。。。。让时间证明一切吧。。因为人是会变的。。变的有时，自己都不知道，或者身边的人也不懂我们变了。。。

**我喜欢以下的话："Even we are so close but we are so far away"..

我的农历新年是什样过的？

今年的农历新年，是一个很boring 也很sianz 的。。。有些人很喜欢农历新年，有些人不喜欢。。我记得我在小的时候，我很喜欢农历新年，因为可以拿很多红包，吃很多好吃的东西。。可是，在3年前，我开始闭年。。因为年级大了，不好意识拿红包了。。。而且，亲亲的爱问你一些问题，你很不喜欢回答的。。。所以，在3年前，我就开始不去拜年了，都在家，上网或者看DVD...像今年初一到初三，我都在家。。除了初一，我去一个朋友的家，玩21点cards...我输了钱。。不过，不要紧。。。久久玩一次。。。其他的天，我都在追看“珠光宝气"DVD rental..很好看，现在追看ep 52了。。。



QQ问我过年，去那里？我说在家。She said : "So boring.."哈哈。。Ya, I know.. 可是没办法？


**我就是喜欢Peaceful life...听到太多杂音，太多很累。。。只想让ears 安静一下，也好， 不是吗？因为感觉人带着面具面对人，很累。。就算，心里面有多么的不开心，生气，恨一些人，都要带着面具。。我只有在一些人面前，不带面具。。QQ, Delphine, Lijuan, Von, Vincent...也许，你们会问我，哪Felicia & Joanne呢？因为有时我不开心，可是，我不能表露出来。。只想她们看到开心得Joey 一面。可是，我觉得我做不到。。。因为我这张脸， 就是喜，怒，哀，乐。都写在脸上。。。只是不像以前，那个牛脾气，动不动骂人。。会想到人家的感受。。所以，我很庆幸，我有一个知己朋友。。不管，多忙都会突然sms 我。。Thanks, AH Teng..

Lost

I don’t know if you’re pushing me away or pulling me closer
I don’t know where I stand
I don’t know what you want from me
Or if you care at all

Your words lash out and hurt
Then lovingly draw me in
I don’t know what you want from me
Do you want this to end

Don’t turn tables
Or place this on me
Just come out and tell me
What it is you want

I can’t read minds
I don’t know where I stand
Are you pushing me away
Or are you going to finally let me in

Thanks for all the CNY sms & wishes msg

I like to thanks above peoples, who have been send me sms, wish me "Happy New Year":



[1]Aileen Tan 陈丽贞



[2]Hong Hui Fang 洪慧芳



[3]Zheng Ge Ping



[4]Banana (Malaysia)

[5]Teddi

[6]QQ

Thanks above peoples, who have wish me "Happy New Year" face by face;

[1]Felicia



[2]Joanne



[3]IXF



[4]Delphine



[5]Vincent



[6]Lijuan



[7]Von

Thanks above peoples, who send msg @ facebook

[1]Delphine

[2]Ivy

[3]Lijuan

[4]Simon

[5]INF

[5]Melvin Tay

[6]Liangyi

[7]Clement

[8]Pauline

[9]Yijing

[10]Cheng Ying

[11]Evonne

[12]Calab

[13]Louis

[14]Hazel's dad

Thanks for above peoples who send me msg @ MSN

[1]Melissa

[2]Rina

[3]Elaine

[4]Geo (Malaysia)

[5]Angie (Malaysia)

[6]Christalle

[7]Shi Qian

**Thanks for the peoples who wish me "Happy New Year", really appreciate...你们有心了。。Hope u all have fun CNY.. And also got alot of AngBao... heehee..^_^

我没事，才好。。

Hello, all my dear reader.. How are u all? Long time no see.. I know that alot of you got send me msg, asked me when I will open my blog to public again? Me just want to tell you all. Sorry. Cos I had been keep protect my personal life & also those peoples around me, including my friends.. Cos I treasure them & protect them.

And when I found that, I always try to be good & nice to those friends around me, but they never know of it.. Even mistaken me.. So, I also tired & sianz now..Anyway, I know what I shall do for & live for now..

Got one friend send me a pic & msg, when I see the pic & sms..Make me laugh.. Cos damn funny.. Shhhh......I think the person know who I talking of...

**I still want to tell all those friends who have been with me so long & know me well & those who have MIA for long times,& those my dear readers, I miss u all...So, hope to see u all tag me again & ME WAS BREAK DOWN, need all those comfort & "lames" jokes.. Even a short msg or sms, I also feel COMFORT & HAPPY..

2 more Valentine day coming, how u all going to celebrate? With ur lover? or best friend? No matter what, just hope u all enjoy ur days with the "loves" one.. YEah...

Enjoy watching "珠光宝气＂.. Keep chasing rental DVD.. YEAH..

林俊傑-就是我

Happy New Year to Everyone

I like to wish everyone, "Happy 牛Year".. And all the best in 2009. This year CNY is not a HAPPY COUNTDOWN YEAR @ MEDIACORP.. I still miss 2008 CNY countdown @ Mediacorp. I dun know why? Maybe cos dun have prombles or sandwitches. ..

My wish, I hope I can settle my prombles fast & make everyone know what I thinking & feeling inside. But I scare once I make the choice, I will hurt any of them.. I still thinking of a better way of make everything well...

My Dear God, please give the strength & powder tell me what to do? Can? Please..


新年快乐，心想事成，步步高升，风平浪静。。。。

CNY Countdown @ Mediacorp 25/01/2009

除夕晚上，我6.30pm 就吃Dinner.7.15pm, 我就离开家，准备下Mediacorp 看CNY countdown节目..Thanks Von so early reached Mediacorp & Q up.. 我们(Delphine, Vincent, Lijuan, Von & Me)坐前面第一排。。。Camera 一直拍我们，我们只知道一直用board cover our face... 这个节目有点boring, cos Felicia & Joanne at Chinatown. 我们等到11.40pm, 她们从Chinatown 回来theatre唱CNY song. 12am started to countdown..我们Felicity started to wish one another "Happy New Year"..

节目完后，我们到Radio Gate. Joanne 先出来，我就把我做的Jelly 拿给Joanne..我也做给Felicia.. 我们跟Joanne 拍一些照。。。然后，30mins later, Joanne 走了。。。我，Delphine, Lijuan, Von & Vincent 等IXF,我们chat 很久。。。很好多笑话。。Thanks ah, guys. U all really bright my moods, 虽然在之前，我为了一件事哭。。可是，因为有你们的安慰，笑话。。让我心情比较好多。。。

**我不想看到这样的场面，因为真的让我很为难。。我不知道什样？

Is It The Time can't turn back?

When I wrote this entry, is I use a very PEACE HEART & MINDS to blog & write. I not going to scold or shoot anyone here. Just voice out some of my feeling after so many things happened between the 5 of us...Let me say by one by one;

[1]Delphine - is a nice gal & friend, who is always lend me her ear & shoulder to me.. She is the one who always know that when I was happy, sad, angry & when want to cry? And she is a friend who I always treasure until now, even after so many things issue beetween 2 fans club.. We still gd friends, we still can jokes & fun together.. Cos we often make things clear, if anything unhappy things. Cos we dun want make things have a distance. Delphine, thanks.. I know ur promble, u also know my prombles, I really dun know what to do? Shall I just do it or not? I really dun know? I dun bear to hurt anyone of u or the one I support. I really dun bear...

[2]Vincent - is a nice guy & friend also. Yes, I admit before that, I was very of Vincent for saying me those words on 31/12/2008. But I just want to tell u, I never mean it. And I don't know all abt it.Just want to say Sorry, I admit my fault. And I also very treasure him as my friend. That why, I keep pulling him as my friend back. I appreciate that he had help me alot in 2008. Help me go down support QQ, accompany me want to go basketball, but the end never, help me in Joanne xmas gathering 2008. I still never forget what he had done for me...U r still my gd friend. That why, I still treasure u...

[3]Teddi - U had been MIA after Joanne xmas gathering...I don't know what had been happened to you? I always want to ask you, but I don't know how to ask? Glad still received ur CNY sms msg, at least know that u r still alive...

[4]Rina - I really dun know how to write this entry abt u? I really dun know... When I write this entry, my minds is really very cool down, after I had cried at RG just now. Just want to say a few words from my heart.Just now, when I was at RG, and we all find Joanne. I dun know why we had become so stranger already? Not like last time.. Same as Delphine & Vincent was there. When Joanne see why there is 2 group? Like very weird.. Me, Vincent, Delphine 1 group. U, Elaine, Vivien & Jayness 1 group.. It is the old committee going to draft & break ? Even the friendship we had? And ur new group of Committee is coming in? Just the image still in my mind. Me, Delphine & Vincent choice to walk away & stay very far with Joanne, doesn't mean we dun like or dun support Joanne anymore. We just dun know want everything diffcult on Joanne., I even choice to use my back to face you all, including Joanne. When my back face Joanne, the moment is I was crying.. I dun want Joanne to see me cry.. Delphine, Vincent, Lijuan & Von saw it..Vincent even try to ask me , want me to go & take pic with Joanne again or not? I told him, I dun want, cos I dun want her to see me cry.. And I dun want wait I see her, I really can't control my tears.. I choice to let u all have more times with Joanne & even take pic with her, without me & even ask me to join in or even Delphine & Vincent.. Cos maybe in ur minds, there is only Vivien, Elaine & Jayness.. Dun have us already...Vincent & Delphine told me, dun cry lah. Chinese New Year, be happy. I also want to be happy.. But I a human being, I not a transparent, whenever I know anything of news or u want me to help or pass msg to Joanne. I had never reject on u. And I try my best to do & help u or even Joanne..

Rina, just want u to use UR HEART TO THINK IT IS THE RIGHT WAY OF TREATING PPL? I dun want ur minds thinking of want "new" group & don't want "old" group.. I also dun want the 5 of us become a stranger. I hope the 5 of us still can be like last time, alot of fun..

**I know that if ppl want to change, I can't stop. And I also know that I can't make the time go back like last time.. Maybe it is what I had been said correct, maybe we will quarrel cos of Idols & make our friendship change. God, it is can't Friendship be last? Dun cos of Idols & make all of become stanger. Cos I really treasure all friendship & everyone.. If really want me to make a choice & force me to do smt I dun wish to, I already know what I want.. And I also will let the one I support to know why I will the choice.. And I believe that they will understand my shoes & know I love them so much...

Carlsberg CNY pre-recording 21/01/2009

昨天，我放工后6pm, 我赶下去Mediacorp 看节目， Carlsberg CNY pre-recording 看Joanne & Felicia. 昨晚，我坐在Joanne fans club side. 我叫Rina 帮我打包Nuggets 给我，我的Dinner.. 我从Clementi 打MRT to Toa Payoh,在从Toa Payoh 搭cab.我到Thetare, 我就去找Rina..一到看到那个sitting arrangment, I not happy..因为我觉得committee 应该坐在一起，而不是因为时常4个人在一起，而做在一起。。。才有一些boards 的事。。。

一整晚，我都在喊 Joanne 的名字， 我没有喊Felicia.. 只想对Felicia 说：" Sorry for never shout ur name the whole nite, I feel bad of it.." After the event, 我们下去RG 等Joanne..我们在那里大概30mins with Joanne..Joanne, thanks for ur hands touched my shoulder.. Ur hand auto touched my sholder, is already give me alot of comfort. 就算，在几天我有多不开心，或者当晚有多不开心，你的这个关心，我已经满足了。。。After Joanne left, 我过去找Felicia, 可是我没有和她拍照，或跟她讲话。。

在Felicia要走之前，跟我说了: "Joey Mummy, bye bye"..那种感觉更feel bad..Cos I never shout for her just now.. Haiz...

**到现在我才feel bad for Felicia.. Fiona & Felicia 出来, 我没有马上去找她们。。。我不去Felicia不是，我不爱她，而是我内疚。。Fiona, thanks for ur sms..Also thanks Joanne for the shoulder concern. And of course, never forget QQ the pic u send me.. Really can't stand u & ur "lame"...Always make me laugh. Dun forget our next mth catch up hor.. Haha...

你不是真正的快樂 - 五月天

今天，原本是一个开心的一天，也是每一期，拜一我期待的一天，能够看到Felicia..可是，我今天我看到她，我也不知道为什么，她给我的感觉很weird.. 我也不想问她太多，因为很多人。。。在路上，我哭了。。。心里面的感受，辛苦有谁知道？只能忍，不能说出来。。。。好想有个人能让我抱一下，痛苦。。。