心里面好想找一个地方写我的心情。。

心里真的好想把我的心事写出来，也好想告诉她。。可是， 我想了想我才是选择Silent & Shut up.. 因为我知道她对我的误会是划不清的。。。因为我一直在repeat 看2 个人的blog.. 心里面有好多话想说。。。可是，我真发觉我的blog 已经不是一个能让我发泄的地方了。。其中2句话，　让我不懂要什么说：“Maybe this is the key to everything. Maybe you'd never really listened to it's goodness. Or maybe it's been making way too much noise, asking for way too much attention. Maybe if that's the case, you should shut it up =) Cox i could hear it too. And then it's bad like that.”　&　“is now like that cause of ur stubbornness and attention seeking-nessor HAHA mainly one of ur plots in ur ou xiang ju”读了好几次，也哭了好几次。。心如刀割。。。

我的Stubbornness 还来一个误解。。我更没有想到我会给人一种感觉是我要你们catch my attention on u.. 心里面的痛，误会是永远划不清。。　

**最后，　我想在这里跟一直一来都在读我的Blog 的朋友说的是：“谢谢你对我的blog 的支持，今天将是我最后updated blog.. 也是我画上句点的时候了。。如果想知道我最近什样？你们应该知道什么找我？我一定会告诉你们我什样了。。最后，我想对朋友说的，我真的没有想到，我会给你那种感觉。。只想对你说：I really Sorry, I had never said Sorry in public to people.. I willing to do that, cos I Love u & care of u very much. I also never say Sorry to the person in face to face before. If I got a chance, I willing to say Sorry to u in face to face.."

Good Bye, "Full of Love & Memories" Joey blog.. It is the last time I write & post. 心里面虽然很舍不得。。　可是，为了一个朋友的感受，　我选择画上句点。。这个blog is really like a diary to me.. And a place to throw all my anger, unhappythings & happy things here. After write out, few days later, I will forget.. But I think it time, I won't forget.. Cos it is the big mistake I had make..　Good bye, My beloved blog..I dun want to let peoples think that I want peoples to catch my attention on me.. So, i choice to be SILENT NOW.....


I Love my blog,
I Love Qiuting very much,
I Love Lovelies fans,
I Love Delphine,
I Love Mei Hoon & her frez
I Love Pew,(even wat u had told me today, I still Love U as my frez)
I Love Felicia very much,
I Love Joanne very much,
I Love & support Mavis Hee Mei Jing( from 1984 until now 2008, I still haven't forget u,24yrs)
I Love Rina,
I Love Joey, (even sometimes she mistaken me that I dun like u, but I still Love u, really)
I Love Grace,
I Love Delphina,
I Love 黑夜，
I Love M5,
I Love Minghui,
I Love Xiao Gui,
I Love Germaine,
I Love Pearl,
I Love Felicia fans,
I Love Gerald
I Love Jessilyn (even she had hurt me so much, but I still Love her)
I Love Molly (even she mistaken me, but I still Love her)
I Love Evonne (even she had backstab me, but I still Love her)
I Love Vincent
I Love Kenneth
I Love Kailin
I Love all Qiuting friends
I Love & miss MC King very much
I Love my favourite uncle (he had passed away)
I Love my dad (even how much he had said abt my mum when he drunk, but I still LOVE U)
I Love Ekin (even tat time, I let u go back to ur ex-gf, but I still Love u as frez, until now we still keep in touch)
I Love Ah Yang (my 1st bf, I dun know where are u now? But I just want to tell u, I still Love u)

Take Care everyone.. No matter, who had mistaken me. But inside of my heart, I still Love U all.. If u all dun want to talk to me 1 day or dun treat me as ur frez, I still treat u all as my friend.. Really.. It is won't change... It is a promise..

Good bye....Love is Endless, Love is Kind, Love is Patient, Love is beautiful, Love is Magnanimous.....“无条件为你，从没有想任何回报”真的。。　最后，想说的。。就一却尽在句点吧。。。Love =) 爱无极限

I'm Sorry, Friend

I'm sorry friend
I don't know what to do
I try so hard
to be a better person to you

I screw up a lot
and I ignore you too
I don't know why
but I still love you

You're my best friend
I know we can make it through
let's make this friendship last
and make it better and true

I know you're getting sick of me
I'm getting sick of myself too
I don't know how many times
I can say sorry to you

But really, I am
I'm such a fool
I let such a wonderful
friendship break in two

I'm gonna push aside the past now
I'm gonna be nicer to you
I want to make this last
and show what better I can do

You're my best friend still
and you're my favourite too
Cait, remember the good times
and I know we'll make it through

**Friend, No matter how much I said Sorry to u, is can't turn back.. Cos what had happened already happened.. What I want to say is already told u by email.. I know that I'm not a perfect friend, I had gave u a emotional stress. I really care alot of u.. But others may think that I dun care of u..But I secretly really care of u, just u all dun know.. Never mind.. Hope u will Live happy in future.. My care of u is endless, I still will care of u secretly..It is a promise.. God know that, cos I had make a commit to HIM @ CHURCH 2DAY. FRIEND, LASTLY, I REALLY SORRY, WHETHER U WANT TO HAVE A TALK WITH ME OR NOT, I RESPECT UR CHOICE.. I DUN FORCE U.. I JUST WANT U BE HAPPY.**

在我的心里面， 我最爱的第１个宝贝。。

当我写这个最后的entry 的时候， 是我想该把我心里面的话， 说出来了。。 以上第１　个是我的宝贝；

Qiuting (AiAi, QQ, Ah Teng,Aunty, Bong Cha Cha,Margaret Ma) - 这6个nickname 都是她叫我这样叫她的。。她也给了我很多nickname - (Joey Maria, Qin Qin, Emo Q, PA, Manager, Fortune Teller & Joey Ma), 这些我都一一的记在心里，脑海里。。 我们从07/02/2008 到现在已经认识了快4个月了。。我们分享了很多东西，开心和不开心的。。全都在我心里面。。我才记得开始的时候，你告诉我，从小没有很多人喜欢你。I still remember what I had told u, "Remember that I can make everyone like u, tat why I decide to open a fans club for u. And nth is possible, if u never try it.. And I had proof to u.. I make it for u..Now, u got alot fans like u, I also happy for u. And everything is going to come to the end.. And I also told myself, I will make something for Lovelies fans as a memoeries. It is from my own pocket $.. I dun care whether got how many fans apprecaite of the things I do & done for them? They can dun like me, they can hate me.. But I keep telling myself, I had really done my best for Lovelies fans & Qiuting..

Today, when I share my feeling with Minghui, I really cried in front of him.. Cos I told him, I Love Q & Lovelies fans every much.. I had done so much for fc, but how many fans know that? Even those never join fc like Mei Hoon & her friends, I was really glad to know them as friends.. Cos they really had help me to cheers for QQ, when at event.. Mei Hoon, thanks for just now cheer me up & thanks for know that I a nice person.. Cos starting u thought tat I was a fierce person.. But at the end, u know that I was not.. I just everytimes act Cool at Mdc..Haha.. Dun worry, the Joey is a strong gal, won't easy falldown.. Even I broke, I still have to do my last things for fc & Q...I dun need anyone help me in my cash flow..我是有骨气的人。。

每次你要我帮忙，如我能做到，我一定我尽我的能力，去做，去帮你。。。我都没有向你投诉。。因为你一直叫我JoeyMa, JoeyMa一定有办法做到。JoeyMa always make U SHINE in "Live" show & Roadshow.. Even how much I sick, I still 坚持到底。。Dun let u see my sickness.. Specially when I want to vomit..How many peoples know that? I just keep quiet..Use banner to cover my face.. Never mind, I let everyone hate me, I also want U to hate me. Cos I not worthy for u to Love me..

可是，今天我听到God告诉我，为什么我要这样做？为什么要让自己这么痛苦？我告诉God, Cos I LOVE QIUTING VERY MUCH AS FRIEND. I ALSO LOVE LOVELIES FANS. BUT HOW MANY PEOPLES KNOW? SO, I CHOICE TO BE A BAD GAL.. 可是，　最后我发觉我真的是在欺骗自己的。。口不对心，口事心非。。真的，要我做一个坏人，　好难。。　我骗不了Qiuting, 因为我的眼神出卖我了。。

最后，我想把我心里面的话，说出来，Qiuting, Sorry if I had said anything wrong to me.. All I do that, just I want to let u hate me..But I never mean it.. Cos I really & treasure alot of u as my best friend.. What I want to say to u, already in the card.. Hope the Chocoz will brighten ur day.. Cos u said Chocoz Chocolate can brighten up ur day. Until now, I still remember it.. JoeyMa, still love u so much. No matter, how much things I try to make u hate me.. Inside my HEART, U R MY NOS 1. NO ONE CAN REPLACE IT.. 21/06, I will do nicely for U & Lovelies.. And it is the day for me to thanks everyone.. What I want to say, I already write down.. Take Care..

I want to see the happy QQ, I know 3mths ago.. Cos this 2 day, I see ur face like not happy.. I dun like to see tat..When will I had the chance to see it again?

JoeyMa Love Margaret Ma 4ever & deeply inside my heart.. I will never forget those place we had go for meal before.. This few days, I keep going there...

我觉得我好想是一个口事心非的人。。。。

当我写这个文章的时候， 我觉得我好像有的时候， 我发觉我是一个口事心非的人。。心里不是这样想的。可是，有的时候就是因为一时气，讲了气话。。就如：以下的故事；

[1] My manager - 我在我的blog 写我希望她早点死。可是， 当时我是因为气她，要我赔钱。 不是我拿的， 要我赔。 我一时气，才会写这些。。因为我一直把我的blog, 当做是我的diary,让我出气的地方。。可是，最后让她误会我。。我有跟她解释，可是，她不听。。 我也不再解释了。。因为我知道不任我什么说， 她都不信。。

[2]Xiao Gui - 我要跟你讲， 我真是一个口事心非的人。。 当每个人问我的，我真的不知到该什么回答他们。。心里面的无数的无奈，有谁知道？

**最后的感想， 我想我应该开始买一本diary， 把所有的开心&不开心的写在里面。。我不会再写在我的blog.. 我更不会去出卖我的人。。所有的秘密我都会放在心里面的瓶子里面。。。我不会写任何一个心情故事了。。我会选择用photos 来跟你们说下次。。**

**Important: Xiao Gui, Sorry.. I really never mean it. And it is not from my heart.. Cos I always want you to hate me, so that u can Love other peoples more than me.....这就是我的用意。。Inside my heart, I still love u...Do u know that?**

I Will be MIA

Calling all my friends,

I will be MIA.. so..if those who sms me or call me.. I dun reply mean.. I MIA.. But I will still keep my promise for 30/05 got 1 gathering.. But I won't attend & go.. I will meet up all Lovelies fans bring them to the location.. Then, once u all safely reached there.. I go off.. Cos I dun want to be treat like Transparent agaian... And leave me alone at corner.. I rather dun want to see the 场面。。will make me miserable.. I know that everything had pay & it is the effort.. But u all will always dun understand what I thinking.. I dun like tat feeling.. Do ANYONE KNOW?

**Hope tat my head can be knock on the wall, or knock down by the car.. lost all the memories..So good... Cos I miserable... I will start to SHUT UP & BE SILENT AT TIMES. -_-

LOVE IS ENDLESS..

You will never know

You will never know, the way I feel inside.
In my heart, my head and my soul.

You will never know, how I yearn and ache and pine inside.
How it hurts my heart, my head and my soul.

You will never cry, until the day that I must die and know what it is in my heart,
my head and my soul.
For all eternity, my one and only true love, my heart's one and only true desire.

**最后的感想是：我一直在问自己， 难道我在每一个人的心里面是以下的人吗？

[1]Kind?
[2]Friendly?
[3]Endless Love?
[4]Understanding?
[5]Unreasonable?
[6]Phobia?
[7]Magnanimous?
[8]Selfish?
[9]Loyal to peoples & friends?
[10]Don't know how to apprecaite peoples?

有谁会真真的了解，我心里在想什么？有谁会知道我做了多少？ 有谁真真知道我一直都在关心Lovelies fans很多?有谁会知道我不喜欢人家当我是透明的？ 有谁知道我有时感到好累，生病才要躲着不让人家看到？生病才要下去帮朋友？ 今天， 我一直想吐， 我才要用banner over my face.. Kenneth 才问我， Joey, r u ok? I asked him to keep quiet.. I dun want people to know.. I want to vomit..因为我不要人家同情我。。Joey 是一个坚强，有骨气的人。。在什么病也要坚持到底。。

我是不是一个透明的人？

当我写这个entry 的时候，我是带有一点气和失望。。为什么？ 因为我气。我是不是在你们的眼里， 我是一个透明的人吗？为什么我会这么说， 因为今天就发生在我身上。。

Joey -当你一直sms问我在那里？我几时下去Mdc? 我一个人去吃饭啊? 我读一一回答你的问题。。可是， 你来到Mdc recept, 你只是跟我say "Hi"， 然后就一直跟Grace 讲话。你是当我透明的，才是在利用我？你有没有想到我的感受？我是一个活生生的人。。我有感觉的。。 我不是透明的。。一个两个三个这么close, hold hands,take close pictures & so on.. Please...I rather choice to walk in the front & dun want see all those things.. I rather let u all sit together, I stand up & dun want to sit with u all...我可以选择，我愿意离你们远一点。。　

不用紧，我在多忍3 weeks, after 21/06/2008 last gathering with Qiuting.. Qiuting freedom, me also freedom.. I can dun need to see all this transparent treatment.. And If those who still want to keep contact with me, I will always welcome.. But if those who want to unforgetful person.. I also dun care.. Cos I really tired & get hurt alot & cried alot..

我的付出就到21/06/2008, what I had promise any of u the past 3 mths.. I had already done my best to do for u all.. No matter is Qiuting or Lovelies fans...I believe that I had never break any of my promise to anyone of u.. Even how many times, I had fall down.. I still all handle myself.. No one help me.. Have u all think of in my shoe?No right? Just only other peoples.. Never mind.. Whatever....

**最后的感想：我想对Qiuting 说的是，就算现在我没有工作，我才是有骨气& 义气，我才是会帮你打电话。我才是帮你做好全部在21/06/2008..30/05/2008，我会帮你带你的fans上去，　我就是不要去。。因为我不想再被当透明。。The feeling is very miserable...Do u know that? When u drop my bag, I told u, are u unhappy with me? Then, u said Sorry & pick up my bag, cos that time I already unhappy with something. When ur hand put on top my shoulder, i believe u already know that I was angry.. That why, when I turn my head to u, ur hand put down my shoulder..
I dun like ppl treat me Transparent.. It is not the 1st time.. Sick of it..Now, know why I dun like to see Qiuting report & wait for her come out? Cos I dun want to be a transparent person...

"U R The One" Civil Plaza 24/05/2008

今天，我很早就起来，买Mcdonald breakfast给Qiuting. 虽然，自己感到有一点累。。因为昨晚很迟才睡。可是，我才逼自己起来。。买爱心brakfast 给Qiuting. 因为我知道自己好久，好久没有送爱心breakfast 给Qiuting..

我10.15am 就到Mediacorp..Around 10.30am, Qiuting 就到。。我们就谈一下。。我们在recept 的走道。。Qiuting 对这个banner 看了好久。。　她的那个眼神，好诉我她心里面好想有心事。。可是，我没有当面问她。因为，我永远都是在等她，如果想对我说，她一定会告诉我。。我等她进去，我就等Germaine 一下。。Germaine 来了。。　看她进去，　我就搭bus 下去Civil Plaza..

在我走下去要搭bus 去Orchard, 我看到想思豆。我就开始捡，一粒又一粒。。当我捡想思豆的时候，　我就想到以前我在中学的时候，时常捡。。现在,我捡是给我最爱的朋友Qiuting. 每捡一粒就想到很多东西。。不知不觉眼泪又开始掉了。。

我11plus 就到Civil Plaza..天气好热。。热到我快faint.. 但我才坚持着。。当"唯我独尊"的一出来，我们Qiuting Lovelies fans, 用我们最棒的喊声叫Qiuting.. I-weekly & Channel U Camera 一直拍我们这边。。当我们在喊的时候，有一个fans faint down.. 我就叫Delphina 有没有water ? 因为那个是她的朋友。。　我想她应该是没有吃饭，才会这样。。

After the event, I, Delphina, Nigel accompany her to Cine Long John Silver eat.. After eating, I asked Delphina & Nigel send her home.. While later asked Delphina & Nigel meet me at Mdc..

When I at Mediacorp recept, I was unhappy with someone, cos she just say "hi" then go & keep talking with someone.. Treat me like transparent while before she haven't come, keep on sms me, ask me questions.. After reply her, like that treat me.. Fine loh..I won't forget.. And next time, I choice not to answer all ur questions. 因为好心没有好报。。　 　　

**最后的感想是：很多事情都是我一直安中在为朋友做的事。。可是，有谁知道？我相信我的付出，我对人的好是真的？有谁知？我只知道我会给人恐俱感。。

My Unlucky Day...

昨天，是我的一个Unlucky Day.. 因为我弄掉了$50...因为我放在我的Jean pocket. 也许，当我买水的时候， 我拿钱的时候， 不小心弄掉$50..这个$50 是我那时给我的manager's mother 的“白金", 她还给我20/05..当我弄掉的时候， 我心里面在想，是不是God 要我不要收这个钱? 虽然， 现在我面对钱问题。。可是， God 要我学会坚强。。就算，我饿死也不要让人看不起。。因为God 会给我一条路。。 就算，心里面有多心痛， 也不会表现出来。。

**好了， 不要讲不开心的事了。。Joey, 是个坚强的女人。。不会让人看不起。。Including Glenda, Jessilyn & Molly. I dun need 3 of u to pity me.. Even now, I didn't get job. Doesn't mean I dun have job.. Is just I want to take a break 1st.. Once my wound heal, I will start find a job.. 我们等着瞧。。

My trip to Esplanade & Singapore Flyer

今天，原本要去Elson grandfather & grandmother awake. 可是，William sms 告诉我，他忙， cancel the appointed. 我就出去吹吹风。。我先去我的旧office, 还衣服给他们。。然后， 我又去了我最爱的地方Esplanade.. Hahaha.. 也许， 你们会觉得为什么我会爱去那里？ 因为我爱看风景，听风声。。我坐上了2 个钟头。。心情也好多了。。因为，心里面好多人都误会我。让我快不能呼吸。。有人告诉我，我不能做个好的同事。。 当我听到这句话，虽然心里不开心。。可是， 我不会放在心上。。 （你应该知道我在说你）。。去了Esplanade, 我就去Singapore Flyer里面的shopping mall... 我看到了Ferrie什么走。。 可是，没有坐。。 因为一个人，very lonely..我就在下面拍了很多photos.. 好喜欢那里的风景。。好美。。好想和好朋友一起看美丽的风景。。

去了Singapore Flyer, 我去了Marina Sqaure, 因为我要为一个朋友的生日， 找地方和问价钱等等。。问了价钱， 我又走过Millenia Walk..想到回忆。。然后， 我就去Millenia Tower 等Cheryl 放工。。 她在那里上班，Citibank..我们一面走， 一面谈了我的事。。然后， 我们分不同路。因为她要去Jteam office.. 在Cityhall Mrt, 我看到Delphine, 我们就一起坐MRT 回。。

**我觉得我们每天都在忙工作，很少停下脚步看看风景， 听听风的声音。。也许，我们应该给自己一些休假日。。要不然， 以后你要看都没机会。。也许， 你突然离开这个世界或大地震来。。你，我都不知道未来的事，为何不用一点时间放下脚步呢？

今天,我去了好多难忘的地方。。。。

今天， 我终于去拿了我的Nokia 6288电话。。Nokia Care 的人，告诉我HQ把里面的东西全换了，includingLCD screen.. 我问他， 真的弄好了吗？ 我不想在看到有问题。。他跟我笑。。OMG..

拿了hp, 我就走走好多地方。。 我经过Suntec Convention Hall, 我和Qiuting 在情人节的时候， 拍照的地方。。我对着那个会变的灯看了好久。。有pink, blue, green, orange... 脑海出现当时我们什么拍照的image.. 好好笑。。。然后， 我走到Millenia Walk 的一个cafe.. 这个地方， 也让我想到一个人。。站在outdoor the window, 看着里面一下。。 然后，我走到我最喜欢的地方去Esplanade, 我坐在那里2个钟头，面对Lion City..眼睛关着。。用耳去听风的吹声，感觉好平静。。眼泪也不知不觉掉下来。。。心里面多少的伤痛， 有谁知？ 我记得一个朋友告诉我，Joey, 你已经不小了。。你应该知道什么去面对自己的问题， 朋友不能一直在你身边安慰你。。朋友可以一次，两次安慰， give u advise. But if the friend keep doing it, u won't learn to grow up.. So, I decide to take a breath & think..

我想到了，我虽然被Jessilyn 出卖，伤的很深，很深。。。不任她说多少次的Sorry, what done is already done.. And I won't foget & forgive her. Cos I REALLY HATE PPL BESTRAYED ME. 在用一颗心去想， 就算我现在我没有做工，take a break 1st..Once I settle my soul, I will start for my work.. 才有又用另一个心去想，现在四川大地震才没有完。那里的每一个人都在等我们帮他们， 我为什么要去想那些不开心的事？

不开心也这样过，开心也这样过?为何不选择开心的过。。我才有一群朋友陪我。。以下是我想谢谢的人；

[1]Qiuting - Thanks for always keep me alot of jokes & care & concern.. Sorry, always let u angry & make me worry abt me..I also feel bad abt it.. But I really appreciate for what u had gave me.

[2]Delphine - Thanks for always keep me accompany & lend me ur ears.. And always help me on "Live" show. I really appreciate for it.. Thanks God give me such a great friend like u..

[3]Vincent - Thanks for always help me on Qiuting "Live" show & so on.. If dun have ur help, I think I will die.. I really appreciate for it..

[4] William - Thanks for always keep me consult when I feel sad.. I really appreciate..


**最后，我想我应该感到满足和安慰，有这么多朋友一直陪我在我面对低涛的时候。。。I Love U all, my freinds...**

我可以不去吗？

我好想跟你个朋友说，我可以不要去那个gathering 吗？因为我不想看到xxxxx. 我也不知道Pamela有没有去？这2个人是我最不想看到的。。 我知道我这样做，也许会对你有点难过。可是，我就是不想看到xxxxx. 你可以说我小气，你可以说我吃醋。。我不是小气， 而是我吃醋。。 因为我真的不能够想到，那天她会又用什么事来刺激我。。 我真的很累。。我可以多少次关着眼睛不管她刺激我呢？

朋友， 我才是会帮你弄那个gathering. 我只是不想让你累， 我更不想让你看到我不开心的样子。。。我安排好了， 我会选择安静的离开。。。因为有人告诉我， 不要把友情看得太重。。我就现在去学会慢慢地， 不会像以前那样。。所以，每次让你们两个有机会， 才让Pamela 和你拍照， 跟你讲话。。

**最后只想说的。。付出的，做的都比任何一个人才要多。。心里有多少的不开心， 也不会说出来。 因为我选择做一个默默地朋友，一直在你被后给你努力，帮你。。爱你，在乎你的感觉永远不变。。只会做一个沉默的羔羊。。

又看到一个朋友的亲人离开这个世界。。

当我写这个文章的时候， 让我知道和看到什么叫“恩爱”。。为什么呢？ 因为上个星期六（17/05），Elson 的grandfather passed away cos of cancer. 今天， 他的grandmother 12pm passed away..我也不知道什么去安慰Elson? 因为当一个人同一个时间失去2个亲人，难免心情会不好。。我能了解。。希望Elson 能够勇敢的再站起来。。。


星期五，我, Hazel & William会去Elson grandmother 的awake, same as his grandfather awake.. His grandfather haven't buried yet..Maybe both his Grandfather & Grandmother buried same day.. Haiz.. 不知道什么能帮到他？ Hope God will give him the power & strength to walk on ...

Elson, hope u will stand up again. And hope to see u smile again.. Cos ur "lame" always make me laugh.. =)

何为真，何为假？

今天，我一整天都在家， 因为我没有做工了。让自己的身体休息一下。。不是，睡觉就是上网。 我读到一个朋友的blog, 她写了以下， 让我想到最近在我身上发生的事，想跟你们分享一下；

何为真，何为假？
人见得多了。。
真人假人，你分得清吗？
有多少在你身边徘徊的人，
对你是真？多少，
是假？你又知道多少？
话听得多了。。
真话假话，你判断得出吗？

在你身边说个不停，讲个没完，
说的有的没的,你信了多少？
你又被骗了多少？
真真假假，假假真真你最亲近的人，
未必不会骗你你最陌生的人，未必会伤害你

**最后的感想：我觉得这个文章写的有意识。在我们的身边俳徊了很多朋友， 我们永远都不知道那个朋友对你说了真话或假话？太多的假话听太多，很累。。因为当你知道你的朋友骗你， 你心里面一定会有一个影子。。会很恨那个人。。就像现在， 我心里很恨Jessilyn到心里面的根。有谁知道？ 我受的伤和痛有多深？

我终于放自己一条生路。。。。

当我写这个文章的时候，是想对所有的朋友说：我终于放自己一条生路了。。 因为我终于离开我一直在一个不开心的地方的公司了。。

这个公司，让我看清楚每一个人。。 包括被一个我很要好的Best Friend Collegue Jessilyn. 你什么出卖我的事，　我不会忘记的。。这个让我学会了什么去看清一个人。。Jessilyn, 我要跟你讲，你真的伤了我的心很深，很深。。不管你说多少次Sorry 在你的Blog.. 也没有用。。What done is already done.. Can't make it up.. I just want to tell u & God that, I (Joey) won't easy fall down.. I will stand up again & walk on to my life.. I will proof to u one day. I don't have u as my best friend in my life NOW. BUT I JUST HAVE GOD, Qiuting, Delphine & all who have been always care & concern on me..

Jessilyn, What u had post in ur blog, http://www.nooglejess.blogspot.com/, I can tell you, I won't go & care of it.. Cos I had forgotten u in my life.. Hope God will puishment U one day.. I will just stay & watch it meh..

Jessilyn, 为什么你要把我post 在blog 的事， 我骂Molly 的事， 你也要出卖我？你知道吗？Molly 今天把我写在blog 的骂她的事，都print 出来给我看。。我的blog 已经block 了。只有Qiuting, 你和一些felicia fans 可以看我的blog.. 当我知道是你出卖我，我已经把你removed from my blog.. 我最讨厌好朋友出卖我，为什么会是你？U had already get lose in my world...No matter, how much Gerald ask me dun blame u, I told him, Sorry, I can't.. 因为你伤我很深，很深。。心如刀割。。

付出多少，有谁知道？

当我写这个文章的时候，我只想把一些心里的话，讲出来。　只想对Qiuting 一个人讲。。当我写这个文章的时候，是哭着的。。一面听“祝我生日快乐”& "想说"的歌。。

[1]有多少人知道我为打电话voting, 花了多少的钱？如果要我说，我一个月的新水。。有多少的朋友为一个朋友打这么多的电话呢？Grace or ur fans club members, how much they can call for voting? They all told me, ask me help them call, then they passed me the $.. Like Delphina & Chengying, they can call onli 10. Cos they student.. I understand.. I also don't blame them.. At least, Qiuting Lovelies Fans all done our best for call for voting..

[2]Qiuting, do u know that before the "Live" show, I 5pm plus, sms all u fans & ur frez (those who had come down & support u before, asked them to call for u & voting.. I really had done my best & part as ur best friend. I all the while never let u down & disappointed..

[3]Finance Prombles - 就算我现在面对finance prombles. Cos I had submit my resign letter & want to leave this office by end of this end.. And the company want me to pay for loss of $, 我才是不会放弃，为你打电话。。我现在2 hp bill is $600 plus.. I just settle my 3rd nos bills, 你知道吗？你不知道。。　因为我不要让你胆心。。

[4]为你而想－也许，你会觉得Grace is better than me.. But u never know that I had always thinking for u & her.. Do u find that now I seldom go down Mediacorp see u report & wait for u come out? Cos I want Grace had more time with u.. But no one know that 我的用意。。

[5]Fans Club - 一个人handle fans club is not easy for me.. I had always think for ur fans club members. U know what I had done for ur fans club & even remind u, when is ur fans bdae? I had always want to keep ur fans club very firm & strong.. Cos I want them to know wat is call LOVELIES, Love everyone & Love U.. How much ur fans had mistaken of me, backstab me, I can just close 1 eyes.. I told myself, 我多忍3 weeks. "U R The One" will end 15/06/2008.. 不管以后你的fans will still support u or not? I will plan for the "Thanks & memoeries" gathering on 21/06.. 这是我最后能为你们做的。。　有谁明白我的真诚& 用心？

[6]付出&在乎 - Pew & Delphine 知道我在乎& 付出了很多，很多，很多。。从一开始，我从来没有要求你对我的回报。　因为我心中有爱。。我爱你这个朋友，我真的在乎你这个朋友，很怕失去我们的友情。也许，每个人对友情不一样。。我属于那种对友情很真，很真。。只希望自己的best friend happy..Pew had the same feeling with me, cos she had the same feeling with Keely.. Like me & u..

[7]感激－我是一个懂的去感激，如果人家对我好，我会记得。。我不会忘恩不义。。　有人说我, dun know how to appreciate. Those who had said that to me, U R WRONG. U dun know me WELL ENOUGH..

[8]友情－Qiuting, 不管以后我们的友情会不会长久？我只想说的，我身为你的好朋友，　我真的已经尽力了帮你做。。　

**最后，我想说的是，我好想30/05不要去, 因为我不想看到Grace 又找东西，刺激我。。Like today @ theatre, she keep wearing the mask, walk here & there at in front of my eyes.. Pls loh.. Grace, u thought I dun know u got go 30/05.. I just dun want to say anything. So, I really choice to dun want to go.. Do anyone know how i feeling inside?**

看了［唯我独尊］帅气型女 。。。

当我写这个文章的时候，我心里面带有一点伤心，难过，失望，生气。。从生气开始。。。

[1]生气－因为被GRO Jeffery 骂。　因为我的一个朋友她带了一个2yrs old children to see the "Live"show. I also don't know. Cos she never told me. And Jeffery, he is a nice person. He just ask my friend, how old is ur kid? Then, got 1 lady, answer & scold @ him，　“不要管他”to me. Then, Jeffery angry & shout at me. Cos the lady is my friend. I know is it Jeffery job, he had responsibility to ask & he also need to answer to his boss. All this I know & understand. Jeffery told me, he is so angry & he can don't let the lady in. But he give me "face", cos Jeffery know me & he treat me friend. I also "Pai Sai" with him.. Cos I had never gave him any troubles @ Mediacorp before. Hope my friend & the lady will understand, I was in difficult.

[2]伤心，难过－因为Qiuting 没有拿奖。我从1st round the result, 哭到最后。。因为我不能接受为什么她没有进？Qiuting 真的已经尽力。。我都看到。。可是，为什么会这样？我伤心，哭，我才要坚强为Qiuting 打气。。　等到2nd round, I stop to shout for Qiuting. 因为我的眼泪无法停止。。　我才是没有放弃打电话voting. Me, Pew, Delphine, Lijuan, Vincent, Jerna & Evonne keep on call for voting.. They 1st time see me cry on the spoil @ theatre.. Cos I dun understand, why we all keep calling for voting, her result is DAMN LOW..WHAT THE FUCK?

[3]失望－我对Mediacorp production & management REALLY DISAPPONITED.. WHAT THE FUCK & HELL IS IT MEH? REALLY THE CHAO CHEE BYE & GAN NI NA BEI CHAO CHEE BYE.. MEDIACORP PLAY CHEAT.. UNTIL NOW, I STILL CAN'T ACCEPT THE RESULT. AND I CAN'T STAND THE WAY OF MEDIACORP CHEATING PEOPLES FOR CALLING VOTING.. THAT TIME, I WAS REALLY DAMN ANGRY, WANT TO GO UP & SCOLD THE PRODUCER.. COS THEY DUN THINK I DUN KNOW THEY ALL PLAY CHEAT.. I KNOW ONE.. COS I GOT DO PRODCUTION BEFORE..

Performance @ Love Infinity Pre-Concert 18/05/2008

昨天，我去了M5 Love Infinity Pre-Concert @ Nyonya Bistro.　当我看了他们的表演，我感到很满意。虽然，　有一些system prombles but all over is gd.. 这个表演是分2 groups.Group A is Hazel, Elson & Joshua. Group B is Dennis & Amos.

在才没有比赛之前，我和William 去做一些东西。。Before Concert, Me & William was so worry of Elson. Cos his Grandpa had just passed away on 17/05/2008 of Cancer. And his grandmother is ast SGH in very critical condition, cos she fall down from staircase. And heard that Elson was very sad..Cos his grandfather very dote him..I told William, if Elson can't come for perform. Then, u got to standby all the run down of any changes. Lucky, Elson told William, he will come & perform. 我告诉William, I admit the way of he treat his work.. And it is the Artise shall have. No matter, what family prombles u had face? U as an Artiste, shall have an responsible of their job. Like Qiuting also, that time, before her perform day, her Grandfather passed away. She still come & perform...She cover all her sadness in TV.. And her moods..

Elson 没有让我们失望。。你真的很用心。。我看到了。。　Concert end. William, Geng Whye & me go for Elson grandfather awake.. We stay there from 12am plus to 2am.. I was abit tired.. Cos the past 2 days, never sleep long & busy doing M5 things.. And work 6am ..Elson send me & William home.. Me 2.30am then sleep.. When I reached home, I quickly fall on my bed.. Cos I got to wake up 4.30am 19/05.. cos 6am working.. That is my day for the past few days..

How is my life for the past few days?

当我写这个blog 的时候， 我想是时候让你们我去到那里？忙什么？其实， 自从我被Jessilyn 出卖后， 我可以告诉你们我走的这条道路， 是很幸苦。。 因为我没有陪我走这条路。。 心里面是很想有人可以借我，shoulder to cry.. 可是，我不想麻烦人家。。


我记得QQ跟我说过一句话，我们做人要学会站起来。。我也要谢谢God for let me see True Jessilyn. 让我学了一场人生的课。。去看清什样的朋友是让我应该去珍惜的。。不是我对每一个人好，人家会对我好。。 就算， 我用多少的真诚， 我都会被人误会，伤害。。 心里面的痛，不知被刺了几次？可是，when I fall down, I still learn to stand up again. 因为我知道有God 一直在我身边陪我。。

我也想在这里要谢谢M5 的每一个人。 如：William, Hazel, Elson, Joshua, Geng Whye.. 谢谢你们在过去的2天，都在给我安慰& try to make me laugh..I know that u all concern me & Willliam had told u all wat happened to me? I just need some place to cool down..

**最后的感想：我没事， 我只想一个人静一静， 和一个安静的地方。。如果我有在过去的几天，向一些朋友发脾气。我想在这里， 跟你们说："I'm really Sorry.. I never mean it" I love u all as my friends.. I know u all always care & concern me.. Just sometimes some ppl is care & concern me but they want me to learn to stand up & walk on.. I know.. I just want to tell someone that, I remember what u had told me.. I know u want me to learn to stand up my own feets & hands.. But u still care & love me.. Me also LOVE U =)

My Words to Jessilyn...

I had read the blog, u updated 16/05/2008 12.43am.. 我读到你写的。我也听了aunty Poh Hoon 跟我讲的话。你说你是无意。。我不明白为什么你要去多嘴？去告诉Glenda呢？

你知道吗？我昨晚哭了一整晚。今天，在公司，我一直上 toilet.因为我无发接受我的BFF出卖我。U want to be friendly, got alot of way.. Not go & "sabo" ur friends.. Do u know that? Want to be friendly, see who is worthy to be friendly to.. Like Glenda & Jiayi, u also got eyes to see. Do u think they worthy to be friendly to meh? Please loh..

我老实告诉你， 到现在我才不会忘记我们在一起的快乐时光。我更不会忘记23/03/2008，当Glenda sms 骂我，你是我第一个想到的BFF, 我打电话给你，向你说和哭。。一却都在我脑海里。。我不会忘记23/03/2008和她们要我倍$261的事。我会记在心里。。
我想听的解释，亲口告诉我或email..I wait for ur answer, I mean it..

今天,我去Sim Lim Square..

今天，我去了Sim Lim Square.. 我去看我喜欢的camera, Samsung i8..
http://www.samsung.com/us/consumer/detail/detail.do?group=camerascamcorders&type=cameras&subtype=iseries&model_cd=EC-I8ZZZWBA/US

我去问每一间，其中一间算我$331.70, including GST. 其他算我$342.40..我找到一间#02-89, he (Ah Seng) sold me $331.70, got my favorite colour light blue.. I like Blue colour.. Also got pink.. But I dun like pink.. Q like.. Haha..

好想买。。可是，不可以。。因为我要先settle my bills 1st.. Then, go & buy.. If not, wait until big sales mth end.. Haha.. 忍，忍，忍，忍，忍。。。。希望我的Light blue 才有．．．God, Please help me.. Thanks...Love=)

我最爱的歌是那首？

当我写这个entry 的时候，　是想跟你们说那些歌是我喜欢？听了会让我开心，感动的哭。。以下；

开心的歌：
[1]Beatuiful gal
[2]我又初恋了
[3]Superstar
[4]痛快。
[5]All S.H.E songs.
[6]庆祝

会哭的歌；
[1]你什么舍得我难过 (my 1st lover,malaysia guy)
[2]祝我生日快乐 (QQ)
[3]遗失的美好(Felicia)
[4]手放开 (Fiona)
[5]如果你才爱我
[6]不想懂得
[7]痴心绝对
[8]好心分手
[9]他才是不懂 (The guy I like now, I love him so much)
[10]你那么爱他 (my kbox captain, I like.He dun love me)
[11]最近
[12]海阔天空
[13]无情的情书
[14]了解
[15]不说出的温柔
[16]想说 (Felicia & QQ)
[17]后来
[18]每次醒来(my favour uncle, who had passed away, he everytimes buy my favourite foods)
[19]爱昧
[20]她的背影
[21]你是我胸口永远的痛
[22] Kiss Goodbye
[23]棋子 (my life is like the 棋子, control my God)
[24]心痛(When friend who dun trust u & 出卖我）
[24]吻 (my 2nd lover, I let him go, cos his ex come & find him back. I love him so much, so I dun bear to see him miserable.)

**我发觉我比较喜欢伤心歌多过开心歌。。也许，　这些伤心每一首歌都代表我的每一人生的故事。。

**我对每个爱情都很真，包括友情。心里面的lock is not I dun want unlock, cos all my story of life is sad & miserable. U all dun know..Only me & God know**　

Jessilyn, 为什么你要告诉Glenda (supervoir)?

当我写这个entry 的时候，心里面想被一把刀给割了。。为什么？ 因为连我最要好的Jessilyn(collegue) 也出卖我。。

Jessilyn, 为什么你要做一个出卖自己朋友的事呢？ 为什么你要跟Glenda 讲我自己有一把Lavender MRT 的keys 呢？我告诉过你，那把keys 是我自己打的。不是用公司的钱做的。。为什么我会去打？ 因为我不要跟他们拿或pass 来pass 去。很累的。。你明白吗？现在，Glenda 拿走我的keys. 我做ME 6am, 我才要跟他们拿keys.. 我就是不要看他们的死人脸。。 你明白吗？ 我在office, 我尽量不要靠人家。。因为office 太多“小人”，你又不知道Glenda 他们多讨厌我？ 在你面前对我好，在背后刺你。现在， 她对你好，小心一点。。她是在利用你。。要从你这里打听我的东西。。不要被她骗，好吗？

你知道吗？ 我才以为是Gerald 出卖我。我真的没有想到我的BFF(Best Friend forever) 出卖我。 害我误会了Gerald, 才sms 骂他。。最近， 我的心情都好坏。。今天， 你也看到我跟你complain 我Nokia Care 的人才没有打给我， 说我的N6288可以拿了。。因为invoice 写，if any delay after 15/05, pls inform customer that..So, they never call me, I boom them..

**最后，我想对Jessilyn 说的是， 你用你的良心去问你自己，从一开始的时侯， Glenda 他们对你好吗？是谁一直跟你讲话？ 是我。。记得我和Aunty Poh Hoon 告诉你的话， 小心Glenda & 她的gangs, 如你被她们伤害， 我不会去问你， 因为你选择跟她们close & let her make use.. Seriously, I was very disappointed of u.. I don't know why u so big mouth, go & tell Glenda, I had the keys. U just say U dun know, can already..rite? Like me, everytimes, choice to say, I don't know.. Cos I dun care & hack care what they did. Just they dun step on my head, can already..**

好想去看Unplugged...

刚刚听UFM100.3, 他们请了一些unplugged 的歌手。。 当我听到unplugged, 心里面好想，好想去一个unplugged 的地方去听歌手唱歌。。我记得以前Chinatown 有一个地方是Taiwan bubble Tea cafe.. 我以前每星期都去那里吃和听他们唱unplugged, 和一些好朋友去。。现在， 没有了。 好可惜。。

为什么我会喜欢听unplugged?因为我觉得那些歌手，他们唱unplugged 很真实。。又没有那些吵闹的声音，只有guitar伴奏。感觉和Feel is so GOOD & GREAT. Specially when u close ur eyes & use ur ear to listen. U can FEEL the FEELING.. OMG.. Maybe u all won't understand & feel the feeling same as me.. But I Can.. 因为我超爱音乐。。如果我会play Guitar, 我会每次在心情不开心的时候,unplugged，唱自己喜欢的歌。。可惜， 我不会。。如果有一天， 我爱的人拿着Guitar, 唱unplugged 给我听。。我一定会哭在他面前。。。

**最后想告大家， 如果你也和我一样喜欢听unplugged, 可以去Ark Cafe http://www.theark.com.sg/ArkCafe/ArkCafeFrameSet.htm 或去其他的unplugged place, 去聆听。真的会对心情好一点。。**

四川大地震。。。

这两天， 如果你们有看新闻和电视， 应该知道四川大地震了，死了好多人。。当我读到这个文章http://www.omy.sg/news/worldnews/200805/20080514_2869.html名校竟成孩子葬身之地，心里面有无数的难过。。 因为身为父母的亲眼看到自己的孩子被埋压在废墟中，或死去。 心中的痛， 是我们也许无法能了解的。。可是， 我本身我能够明白，了解。因为看到亲人离你而去， 不是被病魔而死， 而是被一个可怕的大地震带走了他们的身命。。 911的事件也一样。。

我觉得我们应该感到幸运， 因为我们生在新加坡， 这里没有大地震。可是， 这里的人缺乏了爱。有些人不知道什么是爱? 如我， 我懂得爱我的所爱的人，亲人，朋友，艺人朋友，同事。因为我一直认为爱可以感动每一个人。可是， 有时候， 爱太多， 会被人伤害，误会。。所以， 有的时候， 我选择不想开口，讲太多。。 就算在家里， 在工作岗位也一样。。 因为好累。 每次要向人家解释。。就算， 心里面有多少不开心的事。。 只想一个人静静地想东西。。

**最后， 我想对Qiuting 说的是， 如果这几天，我回你的sms 有点rude.. 因为心情不好， 不想想太多。。希望你能明白和了解。。才有我的妈，对不起让你哭了今天，因为你问我东西，我没有回答。因为我想静一静。Love U all.**

珍惜现在在你身边的每一个人。。

心已死了。。。

今天，我收到一个朋友的sms， 她告诉几时去做一件事？ 她一直想去做的事。。这件事， 我在一个月前， 就已经知道了。 她告诉我， 她很excited. 可是， 我一点也不excited? 好想不要去。也不知道为什么？ 是心里面有很多结吧？是没有人能了解的？ 只有我自己， 知道我为什么会这样吧？

也许，我的心已经死了。。病的时候，才收到一个人一直boom my hp. Make me so Pissed off... Is the Questions so important to u? I don't think so.. Can u pls like me have a PEACE SPEACE OF LIFE.. I DUN WANT TO REPLY UR SMS, MEAN I DUN LIKE TO ANSWER UR QUESTION ALREADY.. 　

今天， 我在Boon Lay Branch 做工，一整天不听电话。 只对着电脑发呆， 喝了一瓶酒。开Radio 大大声。。 要不然， 就听I-pod, 唱了2 首歌"祝我生日快乐”& "手放开”大大声。。 我好向在发泄一样。。 这2首歌是我的最爱， 我每当听这首歌， 我就会哭。。因为像“祝我生日快乐， 有一句“才爱你， 带有一点恨”。“手放开”呢？好想手放开， 可是却。。

Xueting, 这几天都一直告诉我， 她不开心。 因为Fiona,我告诉她，Fiona 的事，我不想去知道。因为我已经手放开了。。 她sms 给我的msg, 我不会忘记，她的每一句话， 伤了我。。

现在，朋友你明白为什么我会把心里面的Lock, Lock it & don't want unlock.. Cos I dun like & Hate peoples who mistaken me & dun trust me...Once I unlock 1 step, I will get hurt..

**最后心里面，想说的事： even though one may seemed happy, but he/she maybe feeling the other way round. 换句话来说，心中有很多烦恼，不是任何人都了解的。。 Some may choose to say it out some may just bottled it up. In my case, I sometimes will shared it. & normally there'll be 2 parts answer to sharing it out, it's either you got more troubled or you sort your thinkings out. 　

My Nokia 6288 Screen Black out

我昨天去Nokia Care Centre, 把我的Nokia 6288 去Service.. 因为它突然suddenly Screen Black out & hang up.. OMG.. Why? Why again Screen Black out again? Do u know that inside my hp got alot my AiAi sms me, all those funny & "Lames" words. Total I saved until 580 sms msg.. Now, all gone... Fuck meh.. Make me so pissed off Ytd.. I can't see those sms again when I feeling down.. My Nokia 80 sms msg also full.. Cos got alot Felicia sms.. REALLY FUCK meh.. Dun know why N6288 so lousy.. 28/01/2008, I just went for service. Also same case, Screen Back out & hang. Also upgrade software.. Now, still have to do it again.. Really want to throw the hp in the dustbin.. Fuck.. No one know I was so pissed ytd.. Cos I cover my looks.. Dun let anyone see I was Pissed off. Make me can't use my 3rd nos for few day, until maybe sat then ready.. OMG.. REALLY WANT TO THROW THE HP IN THE DUSTBIN..

**Hope Some one will gave me a new hp.. Haha.. I think I was day dreaming.. Cos I know that there will be no one so good like me, always think for other peoples & good to peoples.. I CAN'T BUY HP NOW. COS I HAD SETTLE MY HP BILLS 1ST.. NOW, PAY PARTLY INSTALLMENT, ABIT HERE, ABIT THERE.. HAIZ.. I ALSO WANT TO BUY NEW CAMERA**OMG..

好想去看草蜢在Genting 的演唱。。

我真的好想去看Grasshopper 的演唱会14/06/2008。可是， 想到15/06/2008是"唯我独尊"的Final. 我放弃了去看。为了什么？ 就是为了Qiuting. 我告诉Delphine. Haiz.. 才记得那时候， 他们来Singapore, 我有买最贵的票去看。 因为他们是我小时候喜欢的Idol, 一直到现在。 已经有10多年了。。 我最喜欢看Grasshopper & S.H.E 的concert. 因为他们会让我很"high"， 唱一整晚， 唱到没有声音。

好想去K, 好久没去K.. 之从我离开Kbox 后2年。。 没有去Cine Kbox 了。。也好久没有在Kbox 喝醉了。。真的好想去喝。。 告诉的Delphine..心里好烦。。 好想把不开心的东西离我而去。。不懂几时会有人约我去K 呢？

Letting Go

I am feeling a whole lot better,
Than I was the other day,
Thank you for your help,
That is what I want to say,

Brought me round to thinking,
That what I did was wrong,
Although we are not talking,
You still helped me get along,

I want you to know I am sorry,
I mean it from my heart,
For every stupid thing I did,
To make us drift apart,

I care about you very much,
You will always be a part of me,
I will make something of myself,
Now you just wait and see,

I will keep on dreaming,
That I meant something to you,
For this does give me comfort,
And it helps to get me through,

I am such a pain in the fuck,
But I will try my very best,
To let you get on with your life,
And give you a bit of rest,

Remember all my good points,
If there are any that you know,
Please forget all the bad ones,
Before you turn away and go,

I know that you have left me,
I cannot promise not to cry,
But I do love you my friend,
I guess this is my last goodbye.

Unmiserable day for me ...

今天， 我生病才下去找Qiuting, 就因为要拿她爱吃的东西。因为我记得她说过如果有donut, 她会和她的bf 一起吃。。我也想为她和她的男朋友有一个甜蜜的一天。。

我带mask 去Mdc, 每个人都问我为什么带mask? 要做nurse 或要跟人拔牙？OMG. 我带mask, 是因为我不想把Germs pass to everyone of U. Do u all know or not? I not so bad or want u all to pity me or want u all to catch my attention.如果不是为了一个人， 我也不会抱病下去Mdc..幸好， Germaine 看到。。知道我生病，当Qiuting 问我，为什么带这个mask？ Germaine 帮我回答。。

有的时候， 我在问自己， 为什么我会有这么多的力气去为我身边的朋友做这么多？ 就算是自己真的生病,Emo, 被人误会我在这几天的事发生， 我都勇气的去过每一天，走下去。 面对每一人。因为我记得有人告诉我一句话， 不要把每一件事看的那么重。。 要我这样做，我做不到。Sorry. 因为我是个重感情的人， 我特别对我的best friends & My Lover.. 才有他们送的东西， 我都很珍惜& appreciate. 要我不要看的那么重， 可以除了我对那个人死心，我会忘记他们。 不会去找他们，sms. 什么管于他们的事， 我都不想去知道。。

**最后的感觉，好想在手上刻东西。也许有一天， 我真的会去刻。。也希望那些人误会我的人， 可以把我的结，结开。。我是的懂得APPRECIATE 人的人。。 我不是个忘恩不义的人。 Please inside u all heart, am I tat type of ppl meh? OMG..Haiz.. 为什么你要害我？(u shall know who are u, cos I had sms u told u lah..)

I-Weekly talk abt Qiuting...

当我读到这期的I-Weekly of Qiuting,

（赛前大热洪秋婷至今表现平平，并没有获得任何住题冠军.表演才艺韵lu操时，卖力地表演仰卧起坐和掌上压， 但木讷的笑容却出卖了她。身材越来越瘦的她形同纸片人， 疲态的毕露， 当务之急是赶紧为自己“充电”噢）

我看了心里面有点气， 伤心。。 为什么他们要这样讲Qiuting? Qiuting 瘦，管你什么事？ 虽然， 在比赛前， Qiuting 是大热门。。可是，她没有拿到任何一个奖。。 记者们， 你们可以有一点良心吗？ Qiuting, 已经尽力了。。可是， 她没有那个Luck, 什么办？ 就算， 我为她打了超过200个电话， 如果里面的人要play cheat, 我们能什么办?放弃吗？不可能的。 Qiuting 才是要勇敢的走完这个比赛。。她心里面的痛，伤心。有谁知道？我心里面的难过， 有谁懂？难道， 她没拿奖，我就要为她放弃吗？ 我没有这么狠心。 我说过， 我会陪Qiuting, 走完这个比赛，我就会做到。。

**I Weekly 记者们， 如你们要有饭碗吃，别人也要有饭碗吃，面子。。请多为其他的艺人想一想吧。谢谢你们的understanding..

Felicia got Event on June

Felicia got alot event on June, pls got & Support Her. If u all free..

Event: Tweety Bird!
Date: 14/06/2008
Venue: TBC
Time: 6pm - 9pm

Event: Perfect Cut <一切完美> Roadshow
Date: 21/06/2008
Venue: TBC
Time: 1pm - 5pm

Event: Cagers Asia Basketball Challenge
Date: 27/06/2008
Venue: Jurong East Sports Hall & Recreation
Time: 6pm - 9pm (Estimated time)

Event: Cagers Asia Basketball Challenge
Date: 29/06/2008
Venue: Jurong East Sports Hall & Recreation
Time: 6pm - 10pm (Estimated time)
For the Cagers Asia Basketball Challenge, please get your tickets from all sistic outlets, priced at $20 each. Alternatively, you can visit www.sistic.com.sg to book your tickets.Guest: Felicia Chin & Johnny Yan Xing Shu.

*I’ll update the confirmed venues and timings as soon as i get the details.

Forever in my heart

You have given me a second chance in life
Sometime before you I couldn't cop with the strife
You've given me that love I dreamed of forever
Happiness I been united with now that we're together

You've touched my heart so deeply with your gentle touch
To world I will never deny that I love you so much
Words can't explain how thankful I am of you
You have brought my smiles to overcome my blue

The moments that we have shared the memories we make
I promise your heart won't shatter or even break
My world has changed forever now that you are here
I miss you so much when you are not near

I've opened up my everything to you because I trust you
The more comfortable I am with anything we go through
The love you and I share has made us one whole
You have made my life complete from once an empty soul

You will always be the guy who will stand out from the rest
I'll never forget each memory that you made the best
Forever in my heart baby with this love I'll always keep
I'll always have you in my heart even when I'm asleep

Inside our heart Lock..

当我写这个文章的时候，是我想跟大家分享。。　这个文章会有点Emo, cos I just cried.. And is on the way to home.. I wear sunglass.. Let's start my story;

我们每个心里面都有一把Lock & Key.　你有问自己为什么心里面的那把Lock is always Lock?也许，　你曾经被一个很要好的人，　伤害过很深很深。。那你心面的Lock, will u easy open to let peoles unlock it? 我想你应该不会吧？像我一样。。　我对每一个人都很提防。。　只有我很相信的人和了解我的人。我会把心里的Lock, unlock & welcome them into my life..

我有一个人对我说过那些话，叫我unlock my heart.. 为什么？我现在告诉你们，　我被一个好朋友伤害很深，　我有想过去割脉。。可是，耳边一直听到GOD 跟我讲话。。我就把想割脉的念头，放下。。　有多少人知道？　没有咯。。　如那些认识我很久的朋友，　你们想你们才会看到现在的Joey 站在你的面前吗？很多，伤心的往事，　我都不想在讲，　和那出来讲。。　可是，　一旦有人问我这个问题，我就会VERY EMO..

**不任在感情，友情我都很重感情。有多少人了解我呢？Want to unlock the Lock is not an easy things.Hope u can understand.**

一个让我惊喜的一天。。

今天，我收到一个让我感到惊喜的事。。 我没有想到Xiao Gui （我爱的人）， 他会去我的office， 送给我3样东西。这3样东西， 虽然不是很贵。。可是，是你心爱的人送给你的东西。心里面有无数的开心， 感动。。I really appreciate that you had make the effort to go & buy the stuffs for me. And make the effort to come down my office gave me the stuffs.. Thank you very much. I really appreciate just you dun know that. Maybe I gave u the feeling that I dun appreciate. But U R WRONG.. If I dun appreciate, I won't keep nicely all the 3 things u gave me im my cupboard..

Xiao Gui, 谢谢你的礼物。。。I Love u.. I really appreciate for u make the way down to give me presents.. I will keep nicely. I promise I won't lose it..　

一个朋友让我很失望。。

当我写这个entry 的时候，我想对我的那个朋友说是：“我可以跟我的每一个朋友很要好，我也可以跟你很要好。 我们可以be Best Friend. 不过， 要变best friend. 1st, We got to know both partly well. And be more understanding ur friend. Give ur friend more space on work & freedom. 我已经在work 面对很多prombles & stress.. Do u know that during this 2 mths, I had plan alot of things? No matter is work, M5 Concert, QQ fc things, Joanne fc things.. All u all dun know.. Only QQ, Delphine & Rina know.. Wat I need is all my friends give me encouraging & suppport..

When u tell me something today, I was really disapointed with u.. Cos U dun understand me & my charcter.. Anyway, hope u will be fine in future.. God Bless U...

Hip Hop on 09/05/2008

当我写这个entry 的时候，是我要骂人了。。 在我骂人之前，我先说我的day of Hip Hop. Let's Start;

09/05/2008，我傍晚的时候， 就开始忙了。。做一些私人的事。9pm，我就跟M5 Artiste meet 在Cauppage Plaza 的Danz PPl. 因为他们去学Hip Hop.. 我看他们跳，我也会了。。哈哈。。没想到Hip Hop 是一个很难学的东西。可是，却是很好玩的东西。如果你有心去学和学会。。
11pm， 他们学完课。我们就去吃东西。。吃完了，我们就从12am - 2am meeting。 谈了很多管于M5 的“爱无极限" 的concert on 31/05/2008..在我很忙的时候，我一直收到一个人的sms & call.

**我想说的是我不是告诉你我在忙，meeting 吗？你是不会看ENGLISH OR U DON'T UNDERSTAND, WHAT IS CALL? I BUSY NOW, HAVING MEETING. WHY U STILL KEEP SMS ME NON-STOP. AND CALL ME? U WANT ME TO BOOM U SMS BACK SCOLD U OR U WANT ME ANSWER UR CALL & SCOLD U? WHEN I DO THAT, I WILL MAKE U VERY ANGRY & LOSE FACE..I DUN CARE WAT U THINK INSIDE OF UR HEART OF ME. EVERYTIMES, U LIKE TO SAY ME DUN LIKE U.. DO U KNOW THAT U VERY SENSETIVE?WHEN I CHOICE TO BLOCK MY BLOG THAT TIME, COS I DUN LIKE PPL KEEP ASK ME QUESTIONS. DO U KNOW THAT WILL MAKE ME VERY “烦”。LIKE WHAT U DID YTD. ASK ME, THE SENSETIVE, IS IT TALKING ABT U? HEY, MY BLOG CAN WRITE ANYONE, NOT ONLY U MEH..　2ND, WHEN I DUN REPLY U 2ND TIME SMS QUICKLY MEAN, I ALREADY BUSY. AND I ALREADY TOLD U THAT, I WAS BUSY NOW & MEETING. WHY STILL KEEP SMS ME.. U KNOW THAT MAKE ME UNTIL I CAN'T 专心MY WORK & MEETING..HOPE U CAN BE MORE UNDERSTANDING. AND PLS DUN SMS ME AFTER U READ MY BLOG & ARGUE WITH ME. I WON'T ANSWER & REPLY ANY OF UR QUESTIONS

**最后，我想跟关心的朋友说的是，我没有Emo. I ok.. I fine.. I not sad at all.. 只是有的时候，有人要气我。。我一直在控制我的temper..如果我一发火，我就会打人。我不想打我认识的朋友。。我已经生病了。。Recover already. Ytd just got Flu & cough & abit sore throat again.I think I had really the wrong swear that time to GOD.. Now, HE really make me more suffer..Haiz...No one know that why I will do tat to someone & make a swear on it.. HELP..

我没事， 请放心。。

当我写这个entry 的时候是有2件事， 我想对一些朋友说的。。 让我们开始吧？

[1]Qiuting Lovelies fans club memebers - 首先，我要跟你讲一声谢谢， 帮Qiuting 骂Stupid U. 现在，我想跟你们说一些本人心里话。不管Stupid U, 什么spam?什么骂Qiuting? 我们不要去管他/她讲什么？ 因为如果我们越去管他， 他就会也更开心，快乐。。为什么我们要为一个在我们不起眼的“mosquito"去生气呢？对吗？只要在我们每一个人的心里面，觉的Qiuting 是好的， CUTE, KIND, FRIENDLY, UNDERSTANDING, LOVEABLE, ADORABLE 就好了。 就算， 在STUPID U 的眼里， Qiuting 是UGLY, AUNTY, CHEAPSKATE, TEETH UGLY. SO WHAT? WHY WE WANT TO CARE SO MUCH. JUST HACK CARE THIS CHILDISH PERSON MEH.. MAKE OUR LIFE PISSED OFF. Right? WE DUN REPLY & CARE WHAT THEY POST, DOESN'T MEAN WE (QIUTLING LOVELIES FANS) DUN LOVE QIUTING. WE LOVE QIUTING. JUST REMEMBER THAT LOVELIES MEANING? MEAN WE HAVE FULL OF LOVE INSIDE OUR HEART. LOVE IS KIND, CARE, UNDERSTANDING, PATIENT, PROTECT ONE ANOTHER. 所以，希望你们会明白我想对你们说的话的意识。Let set ourselves FREE & FORGET WHAT STUPID U HAD DONE.. PROOF HIM/HER THAT WE ARE ALL LIVING HAPPY THAN THEM.. COS HE/SHE NO ONE LOVE. LIVING IN "DARKNESS", NO LOVE INSIDE THE HEART..

[2] JOLLITY FANS CLUB MEMBER (Joanne fc) - Yuki, 你也是一个让我很看不起的人。 如果你觉得Joanne birthday fans club gathering, $15 对你来讲是很贵。 那你可是选不要去当初，没有人逼你去， 还$15. 不要再去SPAM JOLLITY YAHOO GROUP. 如果你有胆，就来跟我SETTLE. 因为我是COMMITTEE MEMBER OF GATHERING IN-CHARGE PERSON. 虽然，那天我没有下去，因为工作。可是，是VICE CHAIRLADY有跟我讲过价钱。我觉得OK.. 没问题。。希望你可以长大一点。 BE MATURE. $15 CAN BUY A CAR.. U THINK IS A SOFT TOY CAR AH? DO U KNOW THAT HOW MUCH A CAR OWN LOH? SAID VICE CHAIRLADY CHEAP FC $..JUST WANT TO TELL U, ASK PPL FUCK HER OWN MUM。 U GO & FUCK UR OWN MUM ASS & UR FAMILY MEMBERS. IF U THINK THAT WILL MAKE U SHIOK.... CHILDISH WAY OF SCOLDING PPL..HAIZ...

[3] Rina - Dun care what they said abt u.. Just remember what I had told U before. Remember we all know what type of person u are. And remember what I told u 2dae of my plan.. Don't worry.. I know what to do.. Trust me.. This is easy for me..

[4]Grace - 我只想对你说，活的开心。 不要想太多。。 虽然， 我们从来没有讲过话。。才有不要时常喝酒。。 对你的身体不好。。 相信我。。因为我的爸就是时常喝酒，高血压死。 我是一个莫生人跟你讲。

[5] Xue Ting - 我想对你说的是，不管你现在快不快乐？你要知道你要的是什么？什么让你开心?谁时常让你开心？ 就时常去想那个人。。 心里面的lock, U MUST UNLOCK IT. AND WALK OUT THE DARKNESS INSIDE UR HEART.

[6]Qiuting - 不任Stupid U 什么骂你，在我们的心里面， 你是最棒的。。 不管是现在或 10年，20年，你永远都是我认识的洪秋婷。(Bong Qiu Qiu). 我们的友情是长久的。 再什么的大的风浪， 都不会把我们的友情分开。

[7] A friend - 请不要一直sensetive. 从开始到现在我都没有讨厌你。。 如果我真讨厌你， 我就不会sms 你。。(know what i saying?) 我那时block my block, dun invite so many ppl, cos I was very Emo.. I just want to share with 5 ppl who know me so well & understand what I need most? Is Comfort & Care & Understand. And PEACE.　

**我想我也该停笔了。。 我想对那些tag 我的人给我鼓励，Rina, Darren, pby, Tanat, Kenneth (call), jocelyn, Delphine, Chengying, Charlynn, 说一声谢谢你们。才有那些帮Qiuting 骂Stupid U 的人； Pew, Grace, Evonne, Joeyy, Melissa, Jing2, Cherie.. Thanks for all ur help.. Let us Live Happy always. Ok?

WHO R THE ONE, DARE TO SCOLD QIUTING?

STUPID U: SO U TINK U VERY CUTE ISIT? AS IF!!! U LIKE SOOOOOO DAMN AUNTIE, AND OMIGOSH!!! U R SO LOWDOWN!!!! SO CHEAPSKATE!!! U WILL NV WIN FOR SURE LAR!! U R NOT PRETTY,NOT CUTE AND SO AUNTIE...HAIZ...GIV UP

STUPID U-QT: I'M SURE LIANGYI,RACHELLE(SIMIN),SHIQIAN AND SHIYING WILL MAYBE WIN LA...(HOPE) EVEN CHRISTALLE MIGHT EVEN WIN..

当我看到这个Msg, 我想说的是， 敢说人家的坏话，就请用你的真名。。 要不然，请不要用一个假名.什么了？你没脸见人吗？才是你的名字，叫Fuck or CHAO CHEE BYE? 我知道我有点RUDE. 可是， 是谁先开始。我就一牙还牙给你。 才是怕我骂你？我在这里大声告诉你， 如你有胆， 就用真名字。。 要不然， 就当面在我面前讲这些话。。 我告诉你， 我一定会打你。。

如果你不喜欢Qiuting, just FUCK OFF & GET LOSE.. DO U KNOW THAT IT IS BAD TO SAY PPL BAD WORDS.. COS GOD GOT EYES TO SEE, WHAT U DOING? BE A GOOD PERSON, THAN EVIL PERSON. REMEMBER THAT?

我们就是喜欢Qiuting 的cute,什样？U jealous that u are not cute as her? Or u jealous that UR IDOLS IS NOT CUTE AS QIUTING? PEOPLES WHO WILL WRITE THAT, COS INSIDE THEIR HEART IS BAD & JEALOUS.. AND NO LOVE.. LIVING IN THEIR OWN WORLD MEH? OMG.. SO PITY FOR U..HAHAHA.. IF U ARE ANY OF LIANGYI, SIMIN, SHIQIAN, SHIYING, CHRISTALLE OR MABLE FANS, I THINK THEY WILL FEEL ASHAMED TO HAVE U AS THEIR FANS WHOM SHOW NO SPORTMANSHIP. SOME MORE, MABLE NAME ALSO SPELL WRONG.. PLEASE LAH. B4 U TAG PEOPLES NAME, FIND OUT THE IDOLS NAME 1ST, THEN TAG THEIR NAME.. DAMN SHAME LOH.OMG....

But never mind..We all have LOVE.. Not Like U.. Me & Qiuting just hack care what u said.. Cos those words won't hurt us.. And we won't fall for ur trap.. Let u see we angry....

Qiuting IS SO CUTE, CUTE, CUTE... LOVEABLE..ADORABLE.. WE ALL LOVE HER SO MUCH......Qiuting, u know.. Rite? Stay happy always.. Qiuting Lovelies fans.再什么的风浪， 我们都不会被你打败的。。

Tickets for 《唯我独尊》“帅气型女”on 19/05/2008

Hi,those support Qiuting out there,who is interest to go for the "Live" show on 19/05? I had the tickets. Cos I need to prepare for counting the head..Can I know the answer by15/05/2008? Thanks..

Can email me @qiuting_fc@yahoo.com..

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/...

Thanks for Support Qiuting...

QQ, Qiuting Lovelies Fc Love U.. Rockz..

Me Love U more than anyone else..

Qiuting injure her left arm..

我刚刚读到Qiuting post the msg 在yahoo group, 让我感觉好感动。。 也让我想说一些心里的话。。 让我开始吧...

[1]Qiuting had injure her left arm during rehearsal, just a minor strain.. 为什么你这么不小心？haiz...

[2] 我看的出昨天你有心事。我只想对你说的。。请不要气馁。我知道你已经很努力，我都看到。我只想对你说：“坚持到底”，不要放弃。只要我一天没有放弃， 你都不能放弃，知道吗？记得我告诉你什么吗？从07/02/2008 到现在，我都告诉你， 我会陪你走完这个比赛。。
不管，比赛什样？成绩什样？在我的心里， 洪秋婷 “U R The One" I LOVE & LIKE 4EVER.UNDERSTAND?

[3]Chairlady is not an easy for me to do. 因为我面对很多问题，有几次，我好想放弃。因为每次给人误会我。幸运我有Qiuting 的鼓励。。让我做下去。。　

[4]我也想活的开心，可是每次都会有事发生在我身上。。现在，只想把所有不开心的事离我而去。。　把每一个快乐，　美好的事全放在我的脑海里，　心里面。。　因为我很怕我有一天会忘记我身边的每一朋友，失去记忆。。　我都收集了很多照片在CD & USB Drive. 可是，我知道如果真的有一天发生在我身上，我知道有几个朋友会一直在让我回忆过去。。其中一个是Qiuting..

**最后，我真心感谢那些tag 我的blog.. 我没事。我会去学着活的快乐一点。。　我也会学着走出黑暗的世界里，不让敌人进入我的世界。和我跟GOD 的LOVE. LET'S SPREAD AWAY ALL THE LOVE TO PEOPLES WHO AROUND US..

LOVE IS BEATIUFUL, KIND, CARE, CONCERN, UNDERSTANDING, PATIENT, UNSELFISHNESS.

QIUTING LOVELIES FANS CLUB ALWAYS ROCKZ.. YEAP...